Friday, February 10, 2006

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!


Tonight is officially the death of Arrested Development, pretty much the best show on TV. Here's the cast preparing for Heaven. I can't believe that they are airing the rest of the season in one night (tonight, when it's usually on Mondays) and during the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Who has 2 hours to devote to this show on a Friday night? I guess I do now. I'm not missing this.

There is still small hope that Showtime will pick up the incredibly expensive and critically acclaimed show, but I'm guessing all these stars will go on to bigger and better success. Pour one out for my homeys!

LOL!


Biggest mistake of your life, pal! What a toolbox! Look at that ugly bulldog staring up at him--all he sees are $$$$$.

Kelly Back in Rehab



The ever-lovely Kelly Osbourne is back in rehab for the second time in about a year. Why? Take your pick--she's lost her singing contracts, she's hideous, her parents are lunatics, her brother is doing way better than her, and she dyes her dog pink for fun! This is a healthy child...

Why, Why, Why, Popstars?



I found this at dListed and am so dumbfounded, I can't even comment. Except to say her teeth look like acrylic nails. She should get them french manicured and add jewels to them.

I'm Posing For Playboy, Y'all!




But don't worry, I'm totally not getting naked. Why is her hair blonde in the pics below but brown on the cover? She must be getting ready to start filming the sequels to Sin City and Fantastic Four pretty soon. I think they are both being done this year.

Britney takes on Will & Grace


Here are some photos of Brit Brit leaving the set of Will & Grace. I must say I'm shocked at how long it's taking her to get back in super fit shape, since she was always so skinny and toned. Put down that bagel sandwich!

Look at Felicia, her long time assistant. She is truly amazed by life. Or a seagull.

LB Announcement


Ok, after much thought and consideration, I'm officially changing my stance from Team LC to Team Kristin. Many things led to this point, but this pic was a final straw. And now I finally find the pic of Kristin repping PeTA. You go girl!

I'll have to change my icon now...

Hot Couple of the Minute: Mena Suvari and Mike "Murda" Carrasco


Mena Suvari, 27, has gone public with her six month relationship to "Murda" Carrasco, 23. He is a professional breakdancer who she met at one of his competitions. Um, how do you introduce this guy to your parents? "Hi Dad, this is Murda. He's a professional breakdancer. Yes, the kind that spin on their heads in alleys. Isn't that great?" I suppose anything is a good intro after divorcing her 44 year old husband.

She says her favorite part about him was that he had no idea who she was. Bitch, like you're famous or something! All you do is PR stunts. In fact, you made me a margarita like 3 months ago!

Aging the Natural Way



Is it true that you are who you love? I believe it now. Instead of keeping Harrison Ford young, he's making Calista Flockhart prematurely ancient!

Where Does Ashley Live? Really?



Here are some photos of Ashley Olsen at the after party for the Narciso Rodriguez show on Wednesday. I'm starting to wonder if she and her sister aren't really homeless millionaires? I mean, they wear all their clothes at once, are starving, and generally have greasy unwashed hair. Here Ashley demonstrates how she carries her world with her in a purse the size of a body bag. I bet she could fit Mary Kate in there!

Nick Lachey's Very Own Infomercial


He was always so jealous of Jessica's chance to shine on QVC with her edible foam and what not. Now he's teamed up with Brooke Burke and trainer to the stars Gunnar Peterson to push a workout DVD. Now, I have to admit I'm a total sucker for informercial gym equipment. I grow transfixed by the promise of a six pack and can't change the channel. I will totally end up buying this and losing it under my bed for a year or so.

Rumors, Rumors, Rumors

Sometimes you guys get upset when I don't report on certain stories just because I find them to be so unrealistic it's not worth the time. Here are some stories that you may here about, but I won't talk about further unless they seem even remotely true:

Angelina Jolie has asked her ex-lesbian lover, Jenny Shimizu, to be the godmother of her and Brad's baby. Angelina has also requested to have the baby born in a London bedroom Maddox in the room at the time.

Nick Lachey is hooking up with CaCee Cobb, starting back at Wilmer's birthday party at the end of April. This is so embarrassingly untrue, I feel bad for Nick. Jessica shacked up with Adam Levine at his home at the Chateau Marmot hotel in L.A. More possible, but I still doubt it.

Justin Timberlake is hooking up with Christina Ricci. It would be an improvement over Diaz at this point.

Those are the main ones that I keep reading about...I'll add on if I think of more.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Another Bad Choice


And this is what Kelly Clarkson chose to wear for her performance at Clive Davis' pre-Grammy party. It's like a formal unitard. And it doesn't work. It needs some glittery suspenders and a fedora. But then it would be on KFed and not Kelly.

Avril is Hilary


Avril is trying to become more glam and stuff lately, hanging out with Chanel designers and posing with a smile on her face. But this picture really makes me think of Hilary Duff. She has that horsey look about her too.

How do I get a horsey look? I want to be cool too...

Blind Vice From Ted


Because without good hair, whether it's dyed or natural, curly or ironed, where the hell would we be?
Panicking like crazy alongside Musty Mayhem, it would seem. It's like this: The skinny ninny is not eating. And given her predilection for preposterously skanky clothes, that's no shocker. M2 doesn't look like she sucks on much sustenance, anyhow. I mean, she's been teensy for a long-ass time--even back when Lindsay Lohan was originally voluptuous. Can you remember that? Barely, I know.
And now things have gotten bad. "She has alopecia," whispers an M.M. associate. "Her hair is falling out, and she is devastated."
Now, kittens, it's a horrible thing, scalp disease. But we all know that anorexia makes the follicles angry. And Musty knows it, too. Still, she won't eat! She will not fork anything into that prissy mouth of hers.
Indeed, I very much hope she does. This babe is such a fashionista, and we all know what the worst accessory in the world is...
Dead head!
Okay, this Blind's gonna give me nightmares, so I'll stop now.

I'm going with Brandy based on this recent photo. Nice wig, girlfriend.

Mess in a Dress


Teri Hatcher has unfortunately gone with sheer mesh gown and biker shorts as her fashion choice for the Grammy's. Her makeup and hair look like she paid her daughter allowance to rub on blue shadow with her fingers and french braid her hair while wet to reveal this gorgeous Medusa-inspired look. And her shoes would be the pride of any Aurora prom goer.

Bravo, Teri, for keeping it real and remembering your roots. As a Goldrush girl for the 49ers.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Fugliest of All?


It's you, Fergie! Your transformation is almost complete!

Hot Couple of the Minute: Neve Campbell and John Light


Neve Campbell or Julia Salinger is engaged to British actor John Light, who was apparently on Band of Brothers. John got down on bended knee and recited Shakespeare to her when he proposed.

Can't you feel their happiness exude from this picture?

A Letter to Madonna


Dear Madge:

Everybody gets that you are fabulous. You can do intense yoga moves and are stronger in your mid-40's than I'll ever be. And you harness the power of the pop world between the gap in your teeth.

But nobody, not even the gays, wants to see your chooch in a purple leotard. You have zoomed in shots of it in all your videos and it creeps me out to no end. Are you trying to make yourself associated with having the perfect crotch, much like J.Lo and her ass? Because you can have that title if you really want it. Although you may have to fight Paris and her army of crabs for it.

Snuggles,
D.O.N.

If You Missed the Grammy's...

Then check out this amazing recap by one of my favorite bloggers. You'll be on the floor for sure.

Four Four

Movie News

Kevin James and Adam Sandler set to star in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, a comedy about two bachelor firefighters who pose as a gay couple to receive domestic partnership benefits. I LOVE both of these guys (Kevin was in Hitch and stars in King of Queens with the oh-so-fab Leah Remini) so this should be a hoot!

The awesome Terrance Howard signed on to play Jim Ellis, the coach who led a 1970's inner city school to become one of the best swim teams in the country. This is the most original script I've ever heard of! It sounds nothing like Glory Road or Remember the Titans. But, seriously folks, if you haven't seen Hustle and Flow go see it now! It's so good. I can't promise you'll have the same experience I had when I, unbeknownst to me, walked alone into a screening of the movie by an Oakland rap radio station and was told by a fat man to "climb over him" to get to my seat because he didn't want to stand up. There was a lot of pot smoking and people jumping up and down on their chairs during the music scenes. But it was fun. And, if for nothing else, see it because Ludacris gets his ass beat down!

The Hottest State set to begin filming with Laura Linney, Michelle Williams, and Ethan Hawke starring. If they can add Scarlett to the cast, this might be the movie I would least like to see based solely on the losers in it.

Mimirrific!



Breathtaking, absolutely breathtaking Mariah! I award you the best use of extensions, both on your head and on your dress. I'm glad to see you went with old Hollywood glamour instead of your usual too small T & A outfits. She's so damn proud of her new look.

Question: Do you think she has, like, key hooks hanging in her bathroom where she hangs her fake hair before she goes to bed? That shit looks like I cleaned out the shower drain at the sorority house and put it on her head.

Where in the World is LiLo?



Making out with Benicio del Toro?!?! She was seen "canoodling" with him at a birthday party for his on again/off again girlfriend Sara Foster last Sunday. Somehow I doubt she found a 38 year old creep and Scarlett Johannson's leftovers in any way attractive...

All the Trash Came To The Grammys!













Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Brooke Hogan, and Hef with the Girls Next Door all made it to the Grammy's, although I'm not sure why any of them were invited.





I love the Girls Next Door! Can't wait for season two when they teach me more important life lessons like where to get waxed and how to adopt dogs. Yay!



I know the pic is small, but Britney's nipple is indeed hanging out of her dress. Kevin looks like a slimey drug dealer, per usual, and the dress...well, what can be said for it? Combining a vinyl and black mini dress with a mesh turtle neck is, um, different. Ugh, it KILLS me to trash Brit Brit--I have to believe she's doing this on purpose with some loftier end result in mind. She looks preggo in this first pic!!

Word is also circling that Britney is in talks to be a spokewhore for a new diet pill. God, I hope she's smarter than being Anna Nicole's follower. I see her getting skinny and doing a playboy spread...it would work.

Grey's Anatomy Repeat


ATTENTION TIVO KILLERS! Hold off on killing that Tivo because Grey's Anatomy (the "Code Black" episode that was only half recorded for all of us on Sunday) will be on again tonight at 9:30!

What to do, OC or Grey's??? I'll be watching Grey's in my kitchen and Tivoing OC in my room. Boo ya!

LB News


LC and Jason have embraced the New Jersey lifestyle. Here we see that Jason has picked up on the Gotti hair trend of gel, then straight iron until you look electrocuted. He has that pale, I'm really hungover look working for him that the Gotti's would cure with a trip to their tanning salon. LC goes with the glamorous look of two gold name necklaces, hers and his. I'm sure Vogue is loving this.

Papa Joe Sightings


Heather shares with me her fabulous Papa Joe encounter at the Superbowl:

"I was in Detroit for the Super bowl and one of the events was a celebrity hoops game. The person I noticed when I walked in was Papa Joe...he was grooving his head to the music it was great. We decided to leave at halftime and he happened to be walking by to leave at the same time! So I walked up to him and asked for a picture. He was very nice with his strong Texas accent...he said nice to meet you ladies. It made our night!!"

Ah, it would make my night, too!

D.O.N. Break

Hey guys, I'll be up asap but have a very grumpy Mississippi judge on my hands and have to finish this brief for him. Check back in a couple hours, por favor! I've got some great stuff today...

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Who's More Fug?


Man, the Grammy Pre-Party was FUG CITY this year! I can't even tell you who in this picture is scarier. Probably Courtney Love, but it's really close.

Tom Loves You

Happy Belated Birthday, BVG!


My dear friend Brooke had her birthday yesterday and I hope it was a happy one. Saturday night was the celebration, filled with pitchers like this, Irishmen, and sadly, no purring.

Update: Weeks since my party--> 3
Number of STILL VISIBLE injuries--> 3
Number of injuries that are permanent--> 2
(a lovely scarred knee and a chipped front tooth from a sake shot. I'm so mature.)

Gossip

Colls the Balls called on Monday to let me know that her radio station in Denver was reporting something wonderful about Trishelle. Apparently she had a storage unit in L.A. which she did not pay the bills on, and despite notice, never did. So her stuff went up for auction and some guy bought the entire thing. He is now trying to sell off her stuff, including private diaries and embarrassing photographs and her attorneys (she can afford attorneys??) are frantically trying to stop him. LOL, who'd pay to see Trashie's diaries and photos? She'd gladly show anybody who asked.

Thanks for the tip, Colls! Keep them coming!

How Not To Look at the Grammy's


Kelly Clarkson has followed the rule about breaking up and getting a new haircut. However, this dress is the most ill fitting sack of potatoes I've ever seen. She's barely hanging on to prevent a nip slip, her purse looks like a bow off a Christmas gift, and the fishtail design in the color of my couch is all wrong. And, Kel, if your belly button AND thigh outline show through your dress, it's time to face the fact that you aren't a size 0.











Michelle Williams, Destiny's Child member turned gospel singer, has been filling up on God's love...and not much else.
She needs to take down the pictures of Whitney Houston and pick up a fork! And a straightening iron!

Wrong Direction Towards a Comeback



No, no, no, no, no, Britney! How many times must I tell you! Don't leave the house looking like a used up street walker! Your extensions don't even match your bleached hair!! Your dress looks like something Mariah Carey loaned you! Make it stop!!!!!!!

Paul Walker Wants to Do Me!



Once again, I'll remind readers that I think I am Jessica Alba, therefore I am. Then I read this and almost fell off my chair.

Paul Walker, on working with me:

"Come on, dude, you know what I'm looking at. I couldn't take my eyes off that ass. I'm sorry. She's beautiful. And she's such a pain in my ass, too. But that's what I love about her. She's the kind of girl you just want to have angry sex with for the rest of your life because it's just that good."

Excuse me, while I compose myself. Angry sex with Paul Walker??? It's like he spelled out my dreams. I hope my parents aren't reading this...

The Breakup




Since there seems to be a lot of splits today, I'm posting pics from The Breakup starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Her hair looks unusually fug in these pics, but I'll for sure go see it anyways.

Dunzo: Kelly Clarkson and Graham Colton

After seven months of bliss, Kelly Clarkson has split from her bf Graham Colton (a name that sounds way too much like graham cracker if you ask me). He opened for her tour this summer, but they have recently been apart with her continuing her tour in Europe and him working in the studio with his band.

Clarkson stated, "He will always be one of my best friends. I'm not sad, really, because our relationship made me believe in love again. Graham is the coolest guy I've ever been with. Maybe one day we'll get back together – if we don't have to work so much anymore."

You know what this means, don't you? Way more angst filled songs from K.Clarkson on her next disc! Break stuff!

News in a Flash

Brit Brit being investigated by L.A. Child Services after being photographed driving a car with SPF on her lap. She blames a scary incident with the papo for the mishap as she was fleeing the Malibu Starbucks where I used to spend horrific mornings studying tort law.

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck teaming up to star in a movie about two attorneys who fight on the same murder case for 15 years.

Dunzo: Ralph Fiennes splitting from gf of 11 years, Francesca Annis.

Kanye West set to record the theme song for Crazypants Cruise's Mission Impossible: 3.

Dunzo: Tom Brady and gf Bridget Moynahan (better known as Mr. Big's wife "The Idiot Stick Figure with No Soul" on Sex in the City reportedly splitting after two years together. Tom was seen hitting on several women at the Superbowl after-parties in Detroit.

Paris Hilton receiving a restraining order to stay away from a club promoter in L.A. after threatening to "put a contract" out on him. Who knew Paris was such a mafiosa?

Monday, February 06, 2006

D.O.N. Down

Day Old News will be down on Tuesday, February 7. Yes, that means the Bachelor Recaps by D.O.N. site will be down, too. I know, you'll miss me. Try to catch up on work and I'll try to give you lots to read and space out over on Wednesday.





















Even when she is making stupid faces or wearing bad clothes, Jessica Simpson is really hot. I think her extensions that she has kept in for more than a day now are good. She likes these ripped jeans too much though. And I'm over her hairdresser and CaCee. Can't she hang out with people that she doesn't pay?

Dunzo: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban (???)



The internet is aflame with the possibility of Nicole Kidman calling off her engagement to Keith Urban. These two haven't even admitted to dating, let alone an engagement, so I'm not sure how true this one is. This picture makes me laugh. She looks old and scarecrowish. He's her rebellious grandson who won't move out of her basement.

Nick Plus One






















Nick Lachey and Lizzie Arnold, his reported girlfriend, were out partying together. Here's them leaving seperately, but word is they were making out all over the club.

Where in the World is LiLo?



Hanging out with Stitch! Just kidding. That monster next to her is none other than Fergie, who seems to still look like yesterdays trash. Lilo borrowed this dress from Elizabeth Taylor in support of the fight against women's heart disease.

D.O.N. Drama

So the blog will not let me post pictures this morning for whatever reason and I have a bunch to show you. I will keep trying and hopefully you'll see something fun soon.

Dunzo: Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong

Sheryl Crow, 43, and Lance Armstrong, 33, issuing a joint statement calling off their engagement weeks before the planned wedding. They have been together for two years after meeting at a charity event in 2003.

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