Friday, January 20, 2006

Matt Likes Balls in his Mouth

"Put 'em in your mouth...your muthafuckin' mouth..."

This guy is so nasty.

Willa Wants to Be Bad

Last night I watched the O.C. with DAK and Bree and DAK was convinced that Willa Ford, aka Little Coop, was a force to be reckoned with. Turns out she really is. Not only does she play a 14 year old vixen, she is one! Here are her MySpace photos which have since been taken down. Jack Daniels at 14? Hardcore, yo!

Spiderman's New GF

Bryce Dallas Howard will play Kirsten Dunst's bff and Spiderman's new crush in the next Spiderman film, which begins filming next week. I only find this interesting because she is Ron Howard's daughter. I don't think either of these girls are hot, but then again, neither is Tobey Maguire. Here's hoping that my 2006 bf is in this one too.

Preserving the UnSexy

This has to be the least sexy image ever. Mothface and P.Diddy showering together? Ewwwwwwww. She looks especially mothy right here. I would hide from her and make somebody throw a shoe until she was dead and I was out of harm's way.

I have a moth-phobia, if you didn't know. Which is why she scares me so. Poetry!

Where in the World is LiLo?

Photos from Pink is the New Blog

LiLo continues filming with fatty fatso Jared Leto. No clue why she needs to look like Little Red Riding Hood in the process, but whateves.

Today is Barfy News Day, I Swear!

Just last night as I was reading the Bible, also known as US Weekly, I commented to my roomies how Joel Madden was giving H.Duff some credibility, but how she was doing nothing but bringing him down. First the cheeseball cover of Teen People's love issue and now this? Hey, I've got nothing but love for Chompers McDuff, but who would let their man out like this?

Guess the T-Bone!

Ok, which one is Pamela Anderson and which one is mine? Try not to throw up on your monitor. The booze may or may not throw you off, depending on how well you know me.

Thanks to Colls the Balls for the photo of me. Hot stuff.

The Breaks: Matthew McConaughey and Mothface Cruz

Looks like Matthew McConaughey and Mothface Cruz are dunzo. They both went to the Golden Globes, just not together, and steered clear of each other at all the after parties. Neither rep would comment, which is never a good sign. Who should they date next? I think Jeff Goldblum as "The Fly" for Penelope.

Fug of the Day

Gah! Who would have thought a day would arrive where CaCee Cobb would look better than Jessica??? Please somebody save her. I think Papa Joe may be even scarier than the Scientologists at this point...

This Should Make You Barf

Bitch, look, if you are going to date somebody much younger than you, the least you could do is attempt to look cute and worthy of the JT loving. Laurie, are you photoshopping your face on right now?

This One Goes Out To Smallison

NSYNC boys Lance "Lazy Eye" Bass and Joey "The Fat-One" Fatone are teaming up to star in a UPN show loosely based on their lives. They will play mismatched roommates in an odd-couple type situation. Can you smell a winner from here?

You Say You Wanna Party?

Happy birthday party day!! Cannot WAIT for tonight. This is going to be me--just replace the cupcakes with sake bombs. Holla! Can I get some "PYT" tonight? Quick, Sia, write it on your arm so we don't forget.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

My New Love

No, it's not 2006 Crush James Franco. It's my video iPod that I got last night. It makes me forget to blog and takes me to a happy place as I proofread the 267 page of a legal contract for the third time. It also could be the pound of blood I donated at lunch...but I'm going with iPod love.

Wisteria Goes Toe Up

Trina, the much dirtier version of Li'l Kim, has signed on to star as the daughter of Alfre Woodard (did I get that right?) on Desperate Housewives. This is going to be classic. She's gonna teach Bree how to give a blow job, Eddie how to really sloot it up, and get tips from Teri Hatcher on the best way to chop coke. Hot!

Eminem Re-Weds Kim

This could not look any less like the Kim Mathers we know and love in Eminem's videos and from print media. Bitch got some serious work done! She is also like 8 feet taller than him. Good luck with this, you two.

Fugly Celebrates My Birthday

Fugly Kim Stewart spent last night tearing up Hollywood in an outfit almost as gross as her face. Looks like Talan has officially abandoned her. I wonder if it was the fur and black stretch pants that did him in?

Maddox is no Longer a Bastard!

The petition filed to grant adoption rights of Maddox and Zahara Jolie to Brad Pitt was officially won. This means those two just quadrupled their wealth overnight. Way to go, you two!

News in a Flash

Bump Watch:

It's freakin' baby making season for celebs! Kevin Dillon of Entourage and fiancee expecting their first child. Zach Attack Morris aka Mark Paul Gosselaar and wife expecting their second child.

Drug Busts:

Leif Garrett arrested for possession of heroin. Brad Renfro pleading innocent on possession of heroin.

Andie MacDowell engaged for the third time.

Pro Skater Tony Hawk weds for the third time in Fiji. Bride is a lingerie store owner. Image:People

None of this is remotely interesting, but I thought I'd share anyways.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Golden Globes

I've seen all the pics and I think most celebs looked especially awful this year. Here's hoping for better at the Oscars. Somebody who never seems to look fug is also the number one person I wish I looked like. Hotness in a dress Jessica Alba.

Who would you look like?

Howard Stern Hearts Dr. 90210

Howard Stern has admitted to having two plastic surgery operations, a nose job and the neck fat waddle removed. The pic on the right is before and the left is after. No wonder he is looking so gorgeous these days. Kinda like my kitchen the morning after a drinking binge...

Laguna Beach Sloots it Up

Kristin of LB fame apparently forget not only her pants, but to button up her shirt when she hit the town with her bf. She has really extended her 15 minutes and I'm interested in seeing where she goes next. Though I can't say I can bring myself to watch her WB show. No catfights, no chance.

Hot Couple of the Minute: Kate Moss & Jack Osbourne

LOL! New York Daily News reports that Jack Osbourne (20) and Kate Moss (32) were making out at a Golden Globe after party at Teddy's in L.A. They report that Kate Hudson, Natalie Portman, and Jessica Simpson looked on and gossiped about how shocking it was.

Then and Now, Starring Marky Mark

Sexier with age? I think not...

Photos Say So Much

Mischa actually looking lovely...

The same can't be said for Cameron Diaz. This is what Justin is marrying???

Where in the World is LiLo?

Little LiLo is chowing at the Ivy with her maybe bf Jared Leto. He has packed on the pudge to play John Lennon's killer in their new movie. Also reported is that LiLo has thanked Jared on her latest CD. I actually don't own this CD, but not for lack of trying. It doesn't seem to exist--wonder why?

Image: Pink is the New Blog

It's My Birthday, Y'all!!!

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person I know who still gets excited to the point where they can't sleep the night before their birthday. Can't wait for Friday!!!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Bump Watch

Russell Crowe announcing his wife is expecting their second child this summer. That brings our summer stork watch to TomKitten Alien Spawn, Baby Martin-Paltrow, Baby Damon, and God knows who else will inappropriately breed.

Show Shut Down

Emily's Reasons Why Not starring the truly terrible Heather Graham has been cancelled after two episodes. That sucks! Ha ha!

That 70's Show getting the axe. The last show (the 200th) will run on May 18th and last two hours. The show lasted 8 years. The only people I know that like this show are Alexa and Leah. My regrets to you both.

And now the saddest news of all. Malcolm in the Middle is closing after 7 years. The final episode will land on my sister's birthday, May 14th, which is sure to make her even sadder than her college graduation a couple days prior. Lo siento, hermanita!

Ho in the Wisteria Hood

No, I'm not talking about Nicolette! I'm talking about Eva Longoria, the chick who was allegedly making out all over the place with Jamie Foxx. There is only confirmation that they rode in a limo together from the show to the party, but many sources say they were making out in plain view. Is this bitch mental? Jamie Foxx's track record is about as clean as Nicole Richie's nose.

She's one hot ho though.

Bachelor Recap

Up and running! Check it out at Bachelor Recaps by D.O.N.. Happy reading!

Happy Birthday!

A very happy 26th birthday to my old roomie Colls the Balls! Wish I could be there with you to celebrate like last year, but you know I'll be drinking for you this weekend. Cheers!

News Roll!

Golden Globes were last night, with Brokeback Mountain winning Best Picture (drama), Best Director, Best Screenplay, and Best Original Score. No wins for Heath Ledger or Michelle Williams.

Walk the Line winning Best Picture (musical) with Reese Witherspoon winning Best Actress (musical) and Joaquin Phoenix winning Best Actor (musical).

Desperate Housewives undeservedly winning Best Comedy, with Lost winning Best Drama.

Elizabeth Shue is pregnant with her third child with her husband. This forced her to drop out of her next film role, a movie with Jim Carrey.

Brittany Murphy engaged (for the millionth time) to her boyfriend, a production assistant. No wedding date has been set.

Joe Pichler, a child actor who was in the Beethoven movies, has been missing for a week. An alleged suicide note was found in his abandoned car.

As usual, D.O.N. will be down this morning as I work on the Bachelor Recap. Thanks to all for the birthday calls yesterday--it's actually tomorrow, but it's the thought right?

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