Friday, January 13, 2006

La Lohan, The Artist

http://lohanfacial.ytmnd.com/

Thanks, Sia.

A Comparison




When diets go wrong... Nicole vs. Janet Jackson.

Where in the World is LiLo?

STOP HANGING OUT WITH KATE MOSS! LiLo was seen writing on a bathroom stall that "Scarlett is a bloody cunt." She asked another bathroom goer for a sharpie and Gawker has pictures of what she allegedly wrote.

Click here for Gawker's story.

Odd Friendships: Holmes and Posh


Other than the fact that Katie is marrying and carrying an alien and Posh kind of looks like an alien, I do not understand this friendship one bit. Posh would never step foot out of her bedroom without extremely tight clothes and tons of makeup. And, well, just look at Katie. She is really not going for the cute preggo look. I think she is copying Brit Brit's trend of not giving a shit. God help her if she gets post-partum depression.

Brit Brit on the Town


It's nice to see that Britney is not in seclusion anymore, but I still don't understand what's so hard about getting dressed. I think maybe she is super self-conscious about how long it is taking her (by Hollywood standards) to loose her baby weight. Because I'm pretty low maintenance and I think I still wouldn't go out looking like this.

And I now know who this mystery bitch is--her cousin. By the looks of it, she is also her personal assistant. If she was my personal assistant, I would not let her stand next to me in pictures because it makes Brit look huge in comparison. I guess you have to have a bff or a relative become famous to be a celebrity personal assistant. The chances of that happening for me are pretty slim--although I do have some special friends.

Flash of News

Lots of news today, most not worthy of it's own entry, so here it is:

David Hasselhoff filing for divorce from his wife of 16 years. No word as to if he is set to run away with the sharpei puppies.

Gwenyth Paltrow finally admitting that she is pregnant with her second child with Chris Martin. Name not revealed, but let's hope it's not a fruit.

Eminem and Kim Mathers picking up their marriage license. They are rumored to rewed this weekend.

Lost star Cynthia Watros (aka Libby) pleading guilty to drunk driving.

7th Heaven star Beverly Mitchell engaged to her boyfriend of 5 years. Both are 25.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Worse Day of My Life!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and CAMERON DIAZ are officially engaged! Laurie just threw her computer out the window at work after reading that!

It happened just after Christmas, when they returned from snowboarding in Colorado.

"Justin didn't get down on his knee," 'splains my extreme insider. "They were just talking about it and were kind of like, Yep, let's do it. He didn't give her a ring, and she's still not wearing one. But she is squealing, like, all the time."

From E! Online

Best Day of My Life


Press photos from the upcoming film Just My Luck. Why is this the greatest?
A) MVHS grad Bree Turner is in it! (You probably recognize her from her stellar work in "Dunston Checks In," "Deuce Bigalow," and "Sorority Boys.") And she has brown hair and bangs again!!!! It's just like high school.
B) LiLo with RED HAIR!!!!
Not so happy about Samaire Armstrong (from season one of the OC). She has that whole "I'm hip and too cool for Hollywood" attitude, but doesn't really mean it. Poser!

Other than that, this will for sure be my favorite movie of 2006.

Don't Piss Off Papa


Jessica Simpson sports a shiner after her laughable People's Choice Awards performance. Papa Joe taught her a lesson.

Where in the World is LiLo?

A strip club??? Last night Kate Moss, LiLo, and a bunch of female friends hit up Scores, a strip club in NY's Upper East Side around 2:45 a.m. They went straight to the champagne room where they ordered vodka shots, raspberry kamikazes and beer. Kate was the first to jump on stage, with LiLo soon following suit. They left around 4 a.m. when celebrity photographers attempted to photograph the pair, only to get slammed by LiLo's bodyguard.

I smell trouble in this pairing...and, really, who wants to see Kate Moss' hooters? She's a pancake!

Source: Page Six

Stork Watch!


Melissa Joan Hart welcomes her first child, a baby boy named Mason Walter Wilkerson.

Foo Fighter Dave Grohl and wife expecting their first child.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Bachelor Recaps

Something is wrong with my recap site, so I'm reposting this here. LOL!

Didn't I say Cole was trash?
http://www.raiders.com/raiderettes/raiderettesBio.jsp?id=578

And this is just sad...a yahoo personal ad??
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1089574004-049134

Thanks, Amy

I Know I Kid About Papa Joe, But...

Seriously, I'm getting scared. So earlier today I reported that "Malcolm in the Middle" star Justin Berfield purchased Nick and Jessica's love nest. Turns out that Justin made friends with Papa Joe a few years back and Joe talked him into co-producing "Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive" on E! this past summer. He has his hands on everybody! He probably commanded this kid (who is 19 by the way) to purchase this house with any profits from the show.

PS--Nick claims that filming Newlyweds was detrimental to his marriage. But I guess he doesn't hate MTV too much--he's currently filming a reality show where they follow him around as he makes his second solo album. So they give out shows to an O-Town member, Nick, and now some 14 year old songstress...I swear, ask and you shall receive at MTV.

I'm going to ask for a show that films me typing a blog all day as work piles up in my inbox.

Britney, is it Something I Said?


I don't get why Britney won't call me up and ask me to be her best friend/assistant. I could totally be her non-lesbian CaCee Cobb. Who is this lucky little Jamie Lynn look alike? I would take Brit Brit shopping at Lisa Kline; I love it there. I would rather SPF stay at home with DAK, but we could discuss this.

I want this job! Now I'm pouty--and not because I'm permanently that way like Jessica.

OMG This is TOO Much!

Nick Lachey is suing Jessica Simpson for ending the marriage three months earlier than they contractually planned!!!

An actual quote from Lachey's lawyers (note the total diss on Nick! He's a whore!):

“Mr. Lachey signed over to Ms. Simpson all royalties from ’98 Degrees’ songs, his appearance on an MTV reality show to promote her albums and perfume line, and his soul in exchange for 41 months of marriage that would keep him in the public spotlight,” wrote Lachey’s attorney. “The couple has been married only 38 months and Ms. Simpson is in violation of the contract, ending the union early.”

Simpson’s lawyers shot back that since Lachey would continue to receive publicity from the divorce for at least several months, she is still fulfilling her contractual obligations.

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER! I seriously can't believe these two are admitting their whole marriage was a sham based on a contract made by Papa Joe! This is INSANITY!

Source: Dateline Hollywood

Hot Couple of the Minute: Steve-O and Nicole Richie


Nicole Richie and Steve-O, star of "Jackass" and "Wild Boyz," have been seen and photographed making out all over Hollywood. Her friends say they are amazing at how quickly she is moving with him. Might be a crazy guess, but it could be the fact that he is a known drug dealer...

Photo: Popsugar

Where in the World is LiLo?

Causing a shit fit all over! She's pissed! Little LiLo claims she never had bulimia and that Vanity Fair sucks ass! Vanity Fair claims that they have the entire article on tape. Release that shit!

Newlywed Love Pad Sold!

I know I'm the only one who watches "Malcolm in the Middle," but "Reese," played by Justin Berfield just bought Nick and Jessica's famous house in Calabasas. So random!

Papa Joe Winks at the Devil


That Papa Joe is so hip, man. According to their pact, he gave an awkward shout out to Satan at the People's Choice Awards. The deal entails Jessica overcoming her horrific PR and fashion flops and becoming a Hollywood darling once again. It also involves Ashlee shedding 15 pounds so as to attract tons of press and questions about her health. I'm telling you, it's coming...

People's Choice Awards?


Did anybody watch this shit? Was Mimi actually not a performer? Must have been busy buying out a Claire's store.

Jessica looks award and trashy. Look at that guy below her and to the right--he looks like he smells something stinky. Probably Papa Joe on the wings.

Branglina Baby Confirmed!


Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have confirmed that they are having a baby. She is sporting the telltale bump and says the baby will be born this summer. Did you know that she is only 30?? I definately thought she was older than that.

What do you think, if it's a girl, how about Jennifer?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Finally! Good to Go...


I have finally, after many technical difficulties, recapped the first episode of The Bachelor. You can link to it directly each week at http://bachelorrecaps.blogspot.com or by the link that will be posted on the column to the right. Happy reading!

D.O.N.'s regular reporting will resume tomorrow.

Blech...it's Tuesday


Not a big fan of today. However, my birthday evite did go out so I'm pretty excited about that. Thanks Showers and Carly!

D.O.N. will be down for the a.m. while I work on the recap for last night's oh so stellar Bachelor premiere. Not much to report today anywho. Enjoy this photo of Nicky Hilton in the meantime.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Adam Tells it Like it Is
























Riiiight. At least he's being honest. Somebody send this shirt over to Tara Reid and Paris, stat!

WTF Britney?


I thought you were actually going to try based on those photos below from Las Vegas! You tease! This photo is disgusting and I'm not talking to you for awhile. What's so hard about a bra???

Yikes: Coco Arquette



Sia, not sure if Miss Coco will top your baby's crush list if she continues to sport a mullet like Maddox.
What is that about? She is Malibu-tiful in those pink UGGs though.

Dunzo: Hillary Swank and Chad Lowe


Hillary Swank and Chad Lowe are filing for divorce. I don't really care, but by Hollywood standards they've been together quite awhile (since 1997). Hilary has won two Oscars for acting mannish: "Boys Don't Cry" and "Million Dollar Baby."

Brit Brit Visits DJ AM


















I say "visits DJ AM" because why else does one go to Vegas? (Sigh) I miss him and that wonderful fog machine of his...

Britney and the fam (minus Jamie Lynn it seems) hit up Vegas. She is pictured with her divorced parents and her bro. Britney seems to be regressing in age. She looks like she is 15 again. And, while she remains braless, her boobs look way smaller. Overall, I think she is on her way! Now, just call me and we'll work out the rest of your comeback. Or, at the very least, go dance on the platform at Body English again.

Barf in Your Mouth 2



Somebody call PeTA! The Hasselhoff thinks he can use sharpei puppies as underpants. This is the most disturbing photo since Mimi on NYE. It really does make me gag.

Happy to share this with you.

From Dlisted

Now This I Gotta (Sadly) See

The Jetson's are coming to a theater near you! And who is set to star as the galactic family? Meet George Jetson (Steve Martin), daughter Judy (LiLo!), his boy Elroy (Jonathan Lipnicki--that kid from Jerry Maguire), and Jane, his wife (Diane Lane???). This sounds very weird and very un-LiLo or Diane Lane for that matter, but I will totally be seeing this. And then I will totally be Judy for Halloween.

Tom Kills Oprah

Tom Cruise has finally reached the Scientology level where he is allowed to harness his alien powers to kill high ranking celebrities. He tries out his newfound skills on Oprah.

Tom Kills Oprah

[Thanks to The McDonalds]

Where in the World is LiLo?


LiLo leaves the hospital with her mom and bodyguard after a week long stay. Her mother said the extended visit was due to a blood vessel that burst in LiLo's next during the severe asthma attack--ew.

She was also pretty pissed that people thought the hospital trip was due to an eating disorder. It is unclear how anybody would make that association, given that LiLo has admitted to bulimia.

This photo makes mama Dina look a little like Michael Jackson. How awesome would it be if Mama Dina and Papa Joe hooked it? It would form the most diabolical parent-management team the world has ever seen!! They could form their own weekly magazine that would shred US Weekly to pieces, feeding the mag pics of their own daughers naked and dealing drugs! LiLo is dressed as little red riding hood symbolizing her chaste innocence. It's working very well. Gots ta get me one of those.

Barf in Your Mouth Warning!



Oh. My. Gross. Get a tampon already!

Wedding Bells

Pink and motocyclist Cary Hart were married in Costa Rica on Saturday. Congrats!

The Bachelor Returns

Buenos dias D.O.N. readers! It is a historic day...the day The Bachelor returns to TV. Those of you who've kept up with me since my ramblings were in the form of a weekly e-mail (thanks!), my Bachelor recaps will resume this season and will be either posted on this blog or linked from this blog. So tune in and I've got your back with all the craziness that is sure to ensue in France!

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