Friday, January 06, 2006

Duff Not Ready for Marriage at 18--Blackballed from Hollywood

Hilary Duff and Joel Madden are the cover couple for the February love issue of Teen People Magazine. In the mag, they talk about their romance and the age difference.

Joel says he was troubled by it at first, wondering what his mom would think and admitting he'd never let a daughter of his date a boy 8 years older date his minor daughter. However, he quickly got over it after spending 5 months as good friends with Hilary.

Hil goes on to say that Joel is the "most respectful boyfriend" she's ever had. They went on six dates before they had their first kiss and took the relationship very slowly.

Joel attributes his kindness with Hilary to his broken home, claiming he's always wanted somebody stable in his life and that is Hilary for him.

Word of caution, kids, the more you talk about it, the sooner you will break up. It's a fact!

These Boots Are Made for Nick

Nick Lachey has revealed the freak in him to Elle magazine--not too sure why. Among his admissions are that he loved walking around in Jessica's heels, loves to cry, likes to talk dirty, and has a huge crush on Justin Timberlake. Just kidding on the last one.

Here is the gayest quote ever from him: "(I am) typically an overly sensitive person, I lay my heart out there too often...I've never been shy about crying. Sometimes we're so scared of our emotions that we rob ourselves."

LOL!!!! Go sell that shit to Oprah, not Elle magazine you tool!

He blames the demise of the marriage on their over-exposure, especially "Newlyweds" (which means he blames Papa Joe as that was all his doing). He still thinks Jess is the sexist woman he's ever seen, which makes me think he still really loves her and Jess is being controlled by her father even more than previously thought. Sick f-er, that Joe!

Quote of the Day: Star Jones


Everybody's favorite cow, coming atcha from her biography, courtesty of Dlisted:

"The first time he held me in his arms sexually, it was almost frightening because we knew our erotic interest in each other could take over every other thing...We had an intoxicatingly sexual connection the first two months of our relationship."

Puke in my mouth! Crabcakes! I bet Big Gay Al made her paperbag it...and on that paper bag was a magazine cut-out of The Backstreet Boys.

PS I wanted to use this photo again but couldn't find it in my files. Guess what it was filed under? Sick.jpg. LOL!!!

Kate Moss Loves Snow

Not that kind, silly! She has been holed up in Aspen with her latest boy-toy--and he's only 20 years old! He's a college student! However, British police are requesting she return to London asap to answer questions about the now infamous coke snorting tape. Sucks for you!

Paris Fights Dirrrty...No Surprise There

Wow, D.O.N. had no idea how many readers are concerned about Paris. I received handfuls of emails, three phone calls, and was stopped by a surprise reader on the bus home last night to ask why I haven't commented. I just didn't really care. But here's the scoop for y'all that do:

Zeta Graff is a diamond heiress who used to date Paris Latsis (former fiance of PH). Last summer at a London nightclub, PH told Zeta "I'm going to destroy you" after Paris' attempts from having her booted from the club failed. The following day, the NY Post was fed a story that the previous night Zeta had gone "berserk" (who uses that word?), trying to strangle Paris and rip a diamond necklace off her in a jealous rage. The "source" who spoke to the Post also said Zeta was "a woman who is older and losing her looks, and she's alone. She's very unhappy." The story also quoted Zeta as saying, "It's one thing to lose your boyfriend to Paris Hilton--it's another to find her wearing your family jewels."

Since that time Zeta has filed a $10 million slander suit. Paris' publicist has testified that the entire story was fabricated by Hilton and he was ordered to plant the false stories. All quotes were made up by Paris herself, speaking in the third person. Her publicist kept recordings and emails regarding this and also had Paris sign a waiver excusing him from liability.

The second major lawsuit Paris is involved in came when a club promoter claimed Hilton threatened and harrassed him. He is seeking a restraining order against her.

Now, remember kids, Paris is a parasite. She will never disappear. This is just another day in her life and the settlement will just be chump change. Tomorrow, another scandal, right?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Intervention: Fergie

Calling Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig! You will have a much better chance of attracting clients by making over Fergie than by making over Kirstie Alley. I'm telling you, marketing genius. While your at it, pick up Mimi and Janet Jackson on the way. Hey, if Christina Aguilera Bratman can class it up a centimeter, Fergie should be able to improve a buttload.

Where in the World is LiLo?

Lindsay Lohan has been released from the hospital per her publicist. She also stated that Lindz is "100% not pregnant." The pregnancy test was for a friend who was keeping her company in the hospital. No baby Lindsay Valderamma Jr.'s to play with SPF any time soon! Lindz was probably in the hospital getting the morning after pill after her wild NYE night. Anywho, we heart her and are glad she is not in the family way.

Guess Who's Back, Back Again...

Here's a quote for ya:

"I needed time to live. I was sucking myself dry of creativity. ... I needed the time away from myself too. I was sick of me. But I'm over that now. I'm ready to return to your TV 24 hours a day!"

Thankfully, we aren't talking about Ray Romano. No, this would be none other than Justin Timberlake! He's back to the music scene in 2006 after a long hiatus in which he filmed 3 movies and did not marry Cameron Diaz.

I have a dream, and that dream is to see Justin in concert. Fate continually laughs in my face by ensuring that it is impossible to fulfill this dream. Thrice I was abroad when NSYNC toured. And I missed the Justified/Stripped Tour for some reason or another, but there was a reason. Seeing him will slightly make up for the fact that I never saw NSYNC live, something that will haunt me until I'm 45 and they reunite and can come play at my wedding where I will consider foregoing my promised cream pantsuit for a vintage NSYNC tee. Dream a little dream.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

KFed Ripping on Britney

Kevin Federline's new song, "Popozao," is the Portuguese word for "big butt." We know Brit Brit has gained some lbs, but know need to hate on her. She'll be back in no time, I feel it!!!

Where in the World is LiLo?

Today, little Lindsay Lohan is still in the hospital in Florida. She had her friend/assistant sent out with the limo driver to pick up some stuff for her. A papo shot the bag and what was in it?

1. Cocoa Puffs
2. Cards
3. Mouthwash
4. Coke
5. A pregnancy test

What?!?! I think she had a bad drug induced binge and knowing she was with Wilmer is scared she was banged in a booth.

Break Up of the Minute: Charlie Sheen & Denise Richards

This just in: "TMZ has learned exclusively that divorce proceedings between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards are back on. Lawyers for both sides filed legal papers today, asking that the case be handled in private arbitration."

Bummer. I thought maybe they had a few more years left in that marriage. Neither of them has much to offer if you ask me.

A Letter to Britney


Dear Britney,

I would like to submit an application to be your new personal assistant. It has everything I've ever wanted in a job. I'd get to live in Malibu, eat junk food, make Coffee Bean trips with you, wear sweats all day every day, and walk around holding your hand. That could be me in that picture next to you if you paid me enough to wear acid washed jeans and to lose some lbs. It kind of does look like me.

I, in turn, will help you return to what you once were. I will watch all your concert DVDs with you, but would rather not watch Chaotic because those are not your glory days. I will fire your hairdresser and hire you a trainer who insists on more of a work out that bumming around Malibu. I will insist you dress like the multimillionaire that you are. I will take you out clubbing again and make sure you make at least one friend who isn't your cousin since you seem to have none. I won't watch SPF, but I will watch Bit-Bit and I will help you file divorce papers.

And I will continue to hold your hand (not metaphorically). Please call me. I can help.

Love,
D.O.N.

Jessica Acting Sad


Jessica Simpson actually seems like a woman who was just divorced in this pic. She is grocery shopping with a cart of red vines, sodas, and ice cream bars, looking like hell in Uggs, sweatpants, and a bandana, and just seeming sad in general. This pleases me for some odd reason. I think it's because it shows Papa Joe can't force her to be perfect at all times.

Hot Couple of the Minute: Nicolette & Bolton


Seems that Nicolette Sheridan and Michael "The Mullet" Bolton are really and truly a couple. One month after her split from her fiance, she spent Christmas in Hawaii with el Bolton. She seems to be taking a cue from Christina Applegate or perhaps Brad Pitt. Chicks are ruthless these days!

Diaper Patrol: Mira Sorvino and hubby No-Name

Mira Sorvino and her young boy-toy of a hubby are expecting their second child. Congrats!

LiLo Gets Real

Lindsay Lohan has admitted to her battles with bulimia. After seeing the cover photo from Vanity Fair where she posed in nothing but nylons, she grew disgusted with her appearance and began seeking help. She also admits that drugs were involved ("a little"), but she has gotten it out of her system. Let's hope this has nothing to do with her hospitalization on Monday night. Get well soon, LiLo! Then help Nicole.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

You're My Boy, Blue!


Patrick Cranshaw, better know as "Blue" from Old School, passed away at his home in Texas of natural causes at the age of 86. RIP!

Check This Out

This made me laugh--> Stars New Years Resolutions

Christina Applegate Takes it Slow



Nothing says "I really didn't cheat on my husband" like being photographed making out with a guy less than a month after the divorce announcement. Do it like Jessica and wait six months. Hell, even Britney waited three.

WTF Ryan Seacrest?


E! has hired Ryan Seacrest to be a daily news correspondent for them. They gave him a 3 year, $21 million contract. Are you kidding me with this?!? Some lucky man better snag him up quick. I vote for Ricky Martin.

LB News is Back!



Oh to be 12 again. Hollister is selling a whole line of LB inspired tees. I like this one. I could probably not even fit one of my boobs in this.

Kristin has been hard at work filming her new reality show. Also, she is guest starring on "Veronica Mars" as a lesbian cheerleader. She has a spread coming out in Teen People. Finally, she just shot a video for up and coming musician Teddy Geiger (yeah, who?). That said, she is one busy college freshman.

Where in the World is LiLo?


Lindsay Lohan partied balls in South Beach for NYE. Here's her at the party she hosted at Prive. After that she skipped over to Mansion for DJ AM and Wilmer Valderamma's party. Nicole Richie was with her. Tag team ex-factor style!

PS last night at dinner a strange guy came over to our table and paid for all of our dinner because he thought we were pretty. He said I looked exactly like Lindsay Lohan. My thoughts 1) any rich man who thinks this I should marry and 2) he definately knows where I can get lots cocaine for my New Years Nicole Richie Diet.

New Years Resolutions


This year I'm getting healthy. I'm super inspired by Nicole Richie. She teaches me each and every day how getting "fit" gets you all the things you want. By the end of the year, I'll be a novelist, bff with Lilo, and a model for Jimmy Choo.

Now all I need is a coke dealer.

KFed For Realz

Kevin Federline just slays me. He's riding this train straight to the top of the Billboard charts. All you MySpace sloots out there (Bree, Whorey, Emily G.) better add KFed to you friends list and let me know what he's up to in the '06.

KFed, sorry I mean "Daddy", on MySpace

SPF out on the Town with Mom


Britney Spears takes out little Sean Preston Federline for a bite to eat. Just from this photo I can recognize that this is Duke's in Malibu which is my favorite restaurant there. It's where we cut our Friday law school classes to get our boozy salads (that would be a Bloody Mary) and look for celebs. This makes me want to cry.

That said, I have to say when I'm wrong. And boy was I wrong about the Halloween comeback for Britney. In all fairness, she seems to be having a rough time at the marriage thing so I'll give her a slight break. But if I was worth hundreds of millions, I would be kind of mad at my hairdresser and stylist for making me look like a conservative Making the Band girl.

2006 in the Mix



I welcome you back to the Rat Race with this glorious photo of Mimi on NYE. She is on her way to becoming the next Aretha Franklin, and I don't mean vocally.

Hope you all had a lovely holiday run. I had my last shot at 9:42 last night I think I misplaced my liver on the way home. Like you, I have a real job and have some stuff to work on this morning, but check back as I will post as fast as you can log on to myspace for KFed's new single.

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