A Letter to Tara Reid

Dear Tara,

I know you've been trying, attempt after failed attempt, to reinvent yourself and jump start the next phase of your "career." But the problem is that nothing has really changed except your age and your bankability.

First of all, denim mini-skirts are not appropriate on the red carpet and are not appropriate on you in general. Maybe you thought that the skirt, if paired with see-through plastic platforms, would make people think of you as a young Pam Anderson. We don't, not that that should be your aspiration anyways.

Your shirt does the impossible; it's made of mesh, but somehow is able to make you look fatter than you are. And, while I'm proud of you for dropping your nasty extensions, it's not ok to keep your hair bleached blonde if you aren't going to maintain the roots.

Either embrace what you are and make a career out of club appearances and celebrity poker tournaments, or step out of the limelight. It used to be fun to laugh at you. Now you just exhaust me.

Sorry for being so severe, but I think you need to hear it. Brandon Davis has a seat waiting for you at rehab.

Air Kisses,
D.O.N.

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