Friday, December 23, 2005

Guess the Olsen?


It should be fairly obvious, but go ahead and prove your worth.

She's got a coffee to make it a little harder on you.

Kate & Orlando To Wed?


Kate Bosworth who really hasn't done anything I'm pleased with after "Blue Crush," which was awesome, is spending Christmas in Boston with her family and her bf Orlando Bloom. These two would have some frail, fragile babies. But they are both pretty so I approve. I'll bet he takes longer to get ready than her.

OMG PeTA



Wow. Somehow I can't imagine parents explaining this to the little ones.

Finally! Brit Speaks to Us

I love checking Britney's website because once in a blue moon she writes us letters. I have been reading it for 5 years now (yes, you read that right), back when Mama Spears used to write almost weekly as to what Brit Brit was up to. Here it is:

"Holiday Greetings!
Dear Fans,The Holidays are here once again. I just wanted to write a short note thanking all of you for your continued love and support. I have been blessed with so much this year, I hope each of you gets everything you wish for and more importantly are able to spend time with your family and loved ones. We are spending Christmas at my house and I am so excited for my mom and Jamie Lynne to get here! Please remember to keep all of our brave troops who are away from home (and those who are able to be home with their families) in your heart and prayers too!Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
Love, Britney"

McGosling in NYC


For those of you heading off to NYC, keep an eye open for McGosling!

Posh is Subtle


Just another refresher as to what Posh wore to Elton John's wedding. All class. Definately not trying to steal attention from the bride(s).

KFed Rocks Xmas


Kevin Federline travels all the way to the OC to pick up his son for Xmas in Malibu. I have never seen a man who looks more unnatural with a child in my life. I've also come to realize that, like Britney, Kevin feels more comfortable in his underwear.

Merry Christmas Brit! Hope you get a divorce and a makeover!

Where in the World is LiLo?

Precious Lindsay Morgan Lohan is probably in NY with her mom, 2 bros, and sis today. However, she will be spending NYE in Miami at Prive. That would be one hot party. No word to whether Jared Leto will be there with her. I'm sure her little sis will be there starting her boozing and table dancing. She's overdue at age 12.

Merry Christmas Bitches!

Yes, I am at work today. Lucky you! I'd like to take this opportunity to shout out some birthday peeps:

December 23rd: Lauren Peterson, my Snappa teammate on Semester At Sea
December 25th: my homeboy J.C.
December 26th: Rena Grant, my bff getting things done in L.A.

Happy holidays everybody! And D.O.N. will most definately be down 2-3 days next week. Lo siento!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Hot Gossip From My L.A. Correspondent

Dina emailed in the following scoop:

"...saw charlie sheen buying a $5000 gift certificate for denise at sephora last night. This would be Exhibit 'A' as to why she dumped him....

1) who can spend $5K at Sephora?

2) why is he not spending $5K on jewelry?

3) could he have put less thought into a present?"

Well put, Dee Dee. Sephora indeed!

Sia's Babies Top 5: Part II



DAK was angry I didn't consider the possibility of Sia having a heterosexual baby boy. Fine, here you go:



1. Apple Martin

2. Zahara Jolie-Pitt

3. Violet Affleck


4. Coco Arquette


(Coco hates Zahara for stealing away her Uncle Brad. Coco teamed up with Apple, who is pissed her mom didn't marry Brad so she wouldn't have a name like Apple or skin the color of snow. They will have dance-offs in bars when they are 14 and old enough to go.)

5. TomKat's Asexual Spawn (of course)


(TomKat's spawn will most likely be stuck in a bitter war between Zahara and Rocco, both who love dating an alien in hopes of rebelling against their once wild parents).

1TH vs. The OC, Part IV



Ok, I'm growing bored of this. Final categories:

1. Parents
Winner: The OC

2. Real Life Couples
(Chad and Sophia are on the brink of divorce, so it's Adam and Rachel)
Winner: The OC

3. Booze, Sex, and Drama:
Winner: One Tree Hill

4. Guest Stars:
(Jeri Ryan v. Jake)
Winner: One Tree Hill

I proclaim One Tree Hill the winner. And now I shall start a campaign a la P.Diddy.
"Watch or die!"

1TH vs. The OC, Part III
















Psuedo Brother:

Nathan Scott is Lucas' half brother. He is a dreamboat. Yes, I said it. He calls his brother a bitch, gets busy with his wife (yep, he's married in high school), and tries to kill his dad.

Seth Cohen is funny. Very funny. But I could snap him like a twig.

Winner: 1TH

1TH vs. The OC Part II




Lead rich-girl vixen:

Brooke Davis vs. Marissa Cooper

I think Brooke is hotter and better at being a badass. She sleeps around and loves to drink and steal.

Marissa just occasionally gets drunk and screams, definately plays up the damsel in distress card.

Winner: 1TH

One Tree Hill vs. The OC



All this talk has caused me to want to compare and prove why 1TH (One Tree Hill) is better than The OC. Here is Part 1.

For your review:
Lucas vs. Ryan
Blonde lead character who gets into trouble, fights often with his brother, and likes to wear cuffs or sweatbands.

Winner: 1TH

The OC is Moving

I've said it before and I'll say it again: The OC has turned into a total suckfest. The plotlines are tired, the makeouts are minimal, and not even Seth Cohen is funny anymore. They now have one more obstacle to overcome--starting in January, The OC will air at 9 p.m. instead of 8. Ratings slumps are pushing the show back with "That 70's Show" (are ya kidding me?) taking the lead on Thursday Fox primetime.

If you are growing dissatisfied with The OC, as you should be, I invite you to tune in to "One Tree Hill," Thursdays at 9 p.m. on the WB. I swear, you won't be disappointed. And this reminds me that I totally forgot to add James Lafferty to my Top 5. Hmm...I'll boot Josh Duhamel because I would not want Fergie's leftovers.

The OC is Moving

I've said it before and I'll say it again: The OC has turned into a total suckfest. The plotlines are tired, the makeouts are minimal, and not even Seth Cohen is funny anymore. They now have one more obstacle to overcome--starting in January, The OC will air at 9 p.m. instead of 8. Ratings slumps are pushing the show back with "That 70's Show" (are ya kidding me?) taking the lead on Thursday Fox primetime.

If you are growing dissatisfied with The OC, as you should be, I invite you to tune in to "One Tree Hill," Thursdays at 9 p.m. on the WB. I swear, you won't be disappointed. And this reminds me that I totally forgot to add James Lafferty to my Top 5. Hmm...I'll boot Josh Duhamel because I would not want Fergie's leftovers.

Quote of the Day: XXXtina Aguilera Bratman

"I think the Christina look I had before meeting Jordan is well and truly in my past. I've decided on a classier image for the future - more fitting for a married lady."
(Note: This was the most PC pic of her I could find. It really says something special about her. If I was in "Bring it On", I'd say she puts the "laid" in "lady". Kneeslapper!! Ho ho ho!)

Just in Time for the Holidays!

Thanks, Star Magazine, for recapping all the men Jessica Simpson potentially boned during her three year marriage! Here's the roll call:

1. Adam Levine
(Ha! She should be so lucky.)

2. Johnny Knoxville
(D.O.N. reader Allison S. in Chicago says this is absolutely true. She has connections to Seann William Scott's brother who confirms the hookup.)

3. Bam Margera
(If this is true, I wish a pox on Jessica! On top of the VD, of course).

4. Trace Ayala
(Why Jess would date Justin Timberlake's assistant is beyond me. Actually, I could see it. He is probably would just follow her around like a puppy like Nick used to. But he is way less cute.)

Star reports that they have been seen hanging out together now that Jessica and him are both single (Trace just separated from fiancee Elisha Cuthbert recently). She reportedly told him that she can't date anyone publicly for at least six months. Sounds like the Papa Joe mandated obligatory-feel-my-pain period. Ah, Joe, you are a legend in your own right.

Mimi, Mimi, Mimi (sigh)

What in God's name are you paying a stylist for? Give me forty bucks and I'll run to Target and get you this exact same outfit lickity-split. You can use the change to buy a coat that you could actually zip up if you weren't insistent on showing me your jelly.

And the body chain...I thought we talked about this. These belong to Janet Jackson (in the 90's when a belt would actually fit around her waist). Lastly, if you must insist on wearing shoes that look like a gay polar bear, try to stay indoors. It's never cold enough for that.





Posh Spice is Too Beautiful For Words!



Stunning I tell you.

Can you imagine having all that money and the hottest husband, and dressing like, say, Julie Cooper-Nichol? At least Julie's hair doesn't look quite so trashy. We get that you are skinny. Stop being such a slut!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

O Town Fans Rejoice!


It's better than presents! Remember "O-Town" the band that gave us musical genius songs like "All or Nothing" and "Liquid Dreams"? Of course you do! So the lead singer Ashley Angel Parker (yes, that's a dude--his parents are so cruel) is off doing a reality show all his own!!!

The show will debut in the Spring on MTV and follow Ashley as he struggles to get back in the music industry as a solo artist after losing everything and the impending birth of his baby (Sia, keep this one on the radar!).

This is sure to be the best new show on television, garnering Emmy nods and creating a whirlwind world comeback tour with Britney as his opening act. Way to go Ashy-poo! And Justin Timberlake called and wants his old turtleneck and peroxide back. NOW!

Sia's Baby Crushes


Once Sia and DJ AM (or Paul) have a baby, I predict this will be her top 5:
(bet Sean Preston ain't looking too bad now...)


1. Deacon Phillipe


2. Rocco Richie
3. James Wilke Broderick
4. Maddox Jolie-Pitt
5. TomKat's Asexual Spawn

WTF Brooke Hogan?


Remember when Brooke Hogan was trying to get a record deal and her dad kept shooing away producers who wanted her to be even remotely sexy (i.e. more makeup, bare midriff, etc.)? Yeaaaaaah.... They may now be going for a different approach. She looks like a 2 cent hooker. That scary boy with the spiky hair is her bf (I guess her dad lets her have that now too). Honestly. The orange skin, the plantinum hair, the red lipstick? She is the poor man's, WT version of Christina Aguilera. How would you like to hold that title?

Images:Hollywood Rag

LiLo's Daddy Complex

From Liz Smith:

"HOLLYWOOD'S MOST glamorous — and talented — tabloid fodder, Lindsay Lohan, ran into Hollywood's most enigmatic leading man, Keanu Reeves, the other night at L.A.'s Chateau Marmont. Both stars were dining with friends, and just happened to get up at the same time to use the washroom facilities. They made eye contact in the lobby, chatted, complimented each other's work and finally asked the front desk for pen and paper to exchange numbers. They returned to their respective dinner companions. Now, the last time we wrote that Lindsay had exchanged a number with a sexy man, it was Colin Farrell — "Oh, my God, she's only 17! It never happened!" despaired her reps, asking us to retract. Well, Lindsay is 19 now, and I'm sure she and Reeves were talking business. Or simply becoming friends. What? — it happens."

Oh, LiLo, you silly beast! Jared Leto and now Keanu Reeves? We get that you don't have a daddy, but please! Go with somebody who bathes!

Where in the World is LiLo?







Lindsay Lohan took in a busy day of shopping and lunching at Fred Segal in Santa Monica. She lost her earring and told the busboys to find it while her friend cleaned her glasses and she smoked/talked on her cell. Hey, you want to hang with LiLo, you pay your dues.

Source: D Listed

SNL: Still Funny After All These Years

This rap about "The Chronicles of Narnia" was fantastic! I watched it twice this morning while I was getting ready for work. I love Tivo so much it hurts.

SNL "Lazy Sunday

Just For You, DAK!

Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're A Gay Cowboy:

10. "Your saddle is Versace"
9. "Instead of 'Home On The Range', you sing 'It's Raining Men'"
8. "You enjoy ridin', ropin', and redecoratin'"
7. "Sold your livestock to buy tickets to 'Mamma Mia'"
6. "After watching reruns of 'Gunsmoke', you have to take a cold shower"
5. "Native Americans refer to you as 'Dances With Men'"
4. "You've been lassoed more times than most steers"
3. "You're wearing chaps, yet your 'ranch' is in Chelsea"
2. "Instead of a saloon you prefer a salon"
1. "You love riding, but you don't have a horse"

The Carver Is Still On the Lam!!!



Don't worry, I'm not going to reveal who he was in case you missed last nights season finale of Nip/Tuck. I was, of course, at the bar, but woke up late night and watched it around 2 a.m. I could not turn it off! After that I couldn't sleep trying to piece the whole season back together until I drifted off around 4:45 a.m. Ugh.

Needless to say, this was the absolute best episode of television ever. It had it all! Trannies? Check. Hermaphrodites? Check. Serial killings, kidnappings, and rapings? Oh my! Check, check, check. Incest? Check. Nazis? Check! I'm telling you, everything was covered without seeming too campy. I am continually amazed at what they can get away with on this show. I mean, Brittany Snow as a nazi is proof enough that they can make anything happen.

P.S. I totally figured out The Carver and am so scared he's coming for me in my dreams. Stay away freak show!! My beauty is no curse on the world.

Back to the Future IV?


Michael J. Fox is currently in negotiations to star in Back to the Future IV. He will only accept the role if he is playing the character of "Doc." This begs the question, who can fill the shoes of that hoverboard rider, teenaged prankster? My vote will have to go to Phil of the Future. He already has the time travel thing down pat. I realize that nobody watches this show but me and 11 year olds, but this guy will be hot one day. Sia's kids will love him.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Where in the World is LiLo?



Why she's out shopping of course! Here's Lindsay out shopping with her little sis Ali. Ali has reportedly done a deal with Disney for her own show, following in the footsteps of other celeb relatives Jamie Lynn Spears ("Zoey 101") and Emma Roberts ("Unfabulous", niece of Julia). Welcome to the club, Ali! You already own your obligatory camo AND leggings, all in one!

WTF Mark Ruffalo?


What the hell is Mark Ruffalo doing to his wife at his movie premiere? He must be a total freak! Is he breast feeding or just being inappropriately kinky?

Birthday Sloot!




















1979 was a special year. It was the year my roommate, Laurie Russell, was born. Today is her birthday, y'all!

I know what you are thinking, why do I live with somebody so old? Truth is, she does some mighty fine chair dances and likes to drink while she's working, just like me!

She's opposed to birthdays in general, but if you see her, be nice and wish her a happy 24th for the third year in a row!

Oh Happy Day!





I just received a messengered envelope for my boss with "confidential" stamped all over it. What does this mean? My CHRISTMAS BONUS just arrived!! Hot damn!


Because I'm feeling extra generous, here are some runners up to my Hot 5 list, and yes, they are all still pretty boys. I'm aware that any one of the boys on my list are hot enough to be gay, but I'll take my chances.

A New D.O.N. Fav



I know some of you out there went to high school with James Franco at Paly High, and I'd like to let you all know that he is officially added to my top 5 Hottest Hollywood Men. Between the publicity stills from Annapolis (he's in a uniform!!) and Tristan and Isolde (he's a romantic warrior!!), I can barely contain myself.

In no particular order, I present my current top 5:

1. James Franco
2. Paul Walker
3. Jay Hernandez
4. Josh Duhamel
5. Jake Gyllenhaal

If you hadn't figured it out, I like a pretty boy. And brunettes. I forgave Paul that shortcoming because he is ridonkulously hot.

If you don't know who Jay is, he is from Crazy/Beautiful and Friday Night Lights and he is divine. Here's his photo, too, because we all deserve some eye candy today.

Share your top men with me by commenting below.

Mariah Ain't On Fire


D.O.N. reader DAK recently spent time up close and personal (well, as up close and personal as you can get to a woman with an entourage the size of Japan) with Mariah Carey. DAK claims that Mariah is looking good and is not chubby at all.

DAK, are my eyes lying or are you? Could be that her Contrampo Casual attire circa 1997 is misleading, but I call foul. Body chains don't lie. Neither does the Grand Canyon that could rest easily between her boobies.

Gwen Has A Little L.A.M.B. For Reals

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale have both confirmed that they have a little one on the way. This will be the first child for Gwen and the second for Gavin, who has a 16 year old daughter with some other chick. Congrats!

Hot Couple of the Minute: Bolton & Nicolette Sheridan


Michael Bolton and Nicolette Sheridan have dated in the past, but seem to be reheating their romance.

In honor of all the disgusting/weird couples I've mentioned in the past two days, I hereby declare today Gross Couple Day. Please comment on who you think is the most in need of a break-up and I shall crown a winner:

A) TomKat
B) Fergie and Josh Duhamel
C) Brit Brit and KFed
D) Write in your own suggestions.

Speaking of Crazy Couples...

Josh Hartnett has allowed Scarlett Johansson to move into his TriBeCa apartment. Yuck! I'd rather see Josh H. and Josh Duhamel be gay together than see either of them out with who they are presently dating. Gag me.

Scientology is a Hoax? No way...

You know I love how crazy Tom Cruise is. It's great fun to watch his lunacy. Well, today Page Six has given us some more to laugh about.

Tom's former scientologist "alternative medicine advisor" has been under investigation for the last six months by the LAPD. They are looking to indict her with fraud, malpractice, and grand theft. Best part, her name: Feline Butcher. Who goes to a "doctor" named that?!?! She sounds like an evil character in a Saturday Cartoon--but maybe even too scary for that! Butcher advised a liver-cancer patient to stop chemotherapy and take her "magic pills." I think this might be what Fugly Stewart is giving Talan.

Meanwhile, TomKat partied the night away at Snatch (bah ha ha!!!) in Miami until 2:30 a.m. when a "visibly exhausted" Katie was finally taken home. Hello, she's preggo!! Stop toting her around like you're Paris and she's Baby Luv!

That crazy Tom Cruise, I tell ya.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Maddox is a Student?!?


Angelina Jolie picks up Maddox from his last day of school before Christmas break. I had no idea he was even in school. Hasn't he traveled the world this year? I guess when you're in preschool that's allowed.

H. Duff Gets The Shopping Dunzo!


Hilary Duff takes to the streets to accomplish some Xmas shopping. At first I thought this was an Olsen (obviously Ash because MK likes to hide under a blanket when in public). However, I saw the smiling horse teeth and the identity of my pretty little pony Hil Duff was confirmed. She is so so so skinny I hope it isn't blow. I couldn't take the devastation.


Where in the World is LiLo?

Lindsay Lohan is resting today; come back to the zoo tomorrow to watch her play.
She was signed on as the new face of Chanel, replacing Kate Cokehead Moss.

Say Hello To...


...Luke Wilson's giant penis! Yowza! However, his face continues to look as if he has a bad alcohol addiction.

I'm Staging An Intervention



Somebody please help Fergie. I vote her most in need of a makeover. The very most!

If a makeover is not possible, then I vote her most in need of getting dumped by Josh Duhamel. He cannot date something that looks like this.

Paris Throws a Party


Paris Hilton threw a holiday party at her Hollywood Hills home this weekend. There's Baby Luv, her monkey that is being held up like Michael Jackson's baby over the railing. She is such a great pet owner. The police were called and the party was eventually cleared out. Fugly Stewart was in attendance and unaccompanied by Talan. What's going on there?

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