Friday, December 16, 2005


It's hard to believe, but Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney have been seen dining out together all over the East Coast. When will they learn? It doesn't work when she's in love with bulimia and he's in love with penis? (Sigh).

Photo: People Magazine

Papa Joe Oks Divorce Proceedings

People magazine has reported that Jessica Simpson has filed for divorce from Nick Lachey, citing good ole "irreconcilable differences." She is asking for her name to be legally changed back to "Simpson" (Papa Joe is giggling wickedly over that) and asking for no support (duh! She'll be the one paying alimony, no doubt). Jessica should start the young ex-wives club, featuring herself, Mena Suvari, Britney Spears, Nicky Hilton, and a ton of others.

Farewell, Newlyweds! You kept me company during many a post-college hangover!

Hurley Done Got Himself A GF!

Jorge Garcia, better known as Hurley on Lost, looks like he found a lady friend. Good for him!

I love Lost, even though TV is trying to kill me by airing it at the same time as One Tree Hill so I have to watch in the kitchen while the other Tivo's in my room. Anyways, what makes no sense is that Hurley just keeps getting fatter! You'd think the producers would write it into his contract that he must loose weight, if not for his health, then for symmetry in the show. You can't get fatter on a deserate island. You just can't.


Jason Priestley is sure showing his age. He looks kind of like an eyes, puffy face, not good. Notice that his hair has not changed in 2 decades! Brandon, you look like somebody's creepy older brother who lives in their mom's basement and smokes weed all day. I'd probably be friends with you.

Jennifer is Happy, I'm Happy

Here's Mena Suvari, Jennifer Aniston, and Mark Ruffalo at the premiere of Rumor Has It. Jen looks amazing, Mena looks nice but quite like a porcelain doll with that white skin and super blush, and Mark just looks goofy (DAK, I'm sure you love him, too).

I entered a contest to go to this premiere. I know I'm lame, but I was bored. I had to write an essay on a romantic movie moment, so I wrote about The Notebook. Obviously, I didn't win. I'm a little bitter. It's probably for the best as I would have tried to cut a lock of Jennifer's hair to figure out how it always looks perfect. Psycho...

Also, I never cared much for Mena. However, I saw her in October at a Vogue party here in SF. She made margaritas for Dina, Em, Alexa, and I. She looked really cute (man, she is a tiny little person) and was very gracious for having to serve drinks to fools like us. Anyway, now I like her.

That ends my trail of thoughts about this picture. I'm so ready to drink.

Sad Little Nicole

Sad, but true, Nicole Richie was probably happier when this photo was taken than she is today. She had DJ AM, she had Paris, she had an appetite, and she had a heavy addiction to heroin. I think her face looks nicer when it's filled out like this, but she does look a tad cracked out. This is sort of what I look like when I show up to work on Saturday mornings.

By sort of, I mean exactly.

Dee Dee, my friend who is fortunate enough to run in a circle that occasionally crosses Nicole's path and more often crosses Nicole's mom's path, has said that the rumors are true. Nicole has been dumped and is totally devasted, hoping for a reconciliation. Thanks for the scoop, D, and keep us filled in!

A TomKat Birthday

Katie Holmes spent her birthday wishing that 2005 had never happened. This time last year she was celebrating with her fiancee Chris Klein and did not have to deal with her gay, controlling fiancee Tom, nicknames like TomKat, an alien baby spawn in her stomach, or the clutches of Scientology.

Tom looks so pleased as he grabs her by her hair. I kind of sickens me to look at for too long. Farewell, Katie, you belong to them now.

Snowfight! And Not The Cocaine Kind...

Feeling bored and wishing you could be elsewhere getting drunk? We all do! For now, play this and dream of the weekend.

Thanks, Kee! And happy early birthday to you!

New Segment Starring LiLo!

I'm starting a new segment today called "Where in the World is LiLo?" I find about a thousand pictures a day of her and swear she doesn't know the meaning of a night in.

Here is La Lohan at the premiere of "Rumor Has It," Jennifer Aniston's new movie. Has everybody seen the irony of the films Jen has made this year? "Derailed"? "Rumor Has It"? "The Break-Up"? "Bitch Stole My Husband?" Just kidding on that last one, but it could be in the works.

Who's Hotter?

Aslan from "Narnia" or my cat Chevron? This will be especially tough on my sister, the ultimate Narnia freak. She used to call our dog "The Princess of Narnia". It will be tough on nobody else. Chevy is hot.

It's the Return of the Fug

Looks like Fugly Stewart got her hands on some more Mexican rufies! She hides them in her cape. Talan, you're better than that. Who are we kidding, you suck! Enjoy the buzz and being her lapdog!

Jude's Phone Call

I just got the funniest e-mail ever with all these photos and if only I could post it I would. Send me your email address ( if you read this site and want a copy and I'll forward it on. It's too good to not share!!!

Thanks, Alexa!

Giving Props Where They're Due

I know some of you have a problem with Sophia Bush, star of the WB's One Tree Hill. Maybe you don't like her show, or maybe you rushed her for your sorority and thought she was a bitch (she was 18, Em, you can forgive her now). But I am definately a fan of her and this show. It's way better than the O.C., yes I said that, and the boys are much cuter, with the exception of Mouth who nobody likes but DAK.

Anyways, you should know that Sophia was married to Chad Michael Murray for about 5 months until she figured out he is a lousy cheat. What's more impressive is that their characters are in love on the show. When she cries, talks to him, and has to make-out him on the show, I wonder if she is summoning all her angst at having to be divorced before 25. I must say, she is very professional about it. Although there is one tell-tale sign of their break-up--her hideous new haircut. Some people can't work bangs, and I am one of them. So is Sophia.

But way to go on your stellar acting and keep your chin up!

Gwen Has A Little Lamb

Gwen Stefani baby rumors have been circling for weeks. Now Gwen has begun altering her tour costumes ever so slightly and given up on her sophomore album for awhile, possibly to make time for a new baby. Click the link below to see how her costumes are changing.
Source:We Love Celebs!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

This Is SO Messed Up!

Carroll Spinney, the woman who has played Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch on "Sesame Street" for years, is involved in a criminal investigation. A bloody corpse of a local jogger was found in her toolshed. Judith Nilan was reported missing by her husband after she failed to return from her jog. Police found her headband and a bloody receipt signed by Spinney's caretaker at the scene. The caretaker, Scott Deojay, hit the jogger with his car, tied her up, and brought her to the shed to hide her. When the police found her, she was dead with her head bleeding and her pants pulled down. Deojay then tried to hang himself in the shed. Police are performing an autopsy to see if she was really hit by the car and if she was sexually assaulted. RIP Judith and, WTF is going on!

I'm Dreaming of a Hilton Christmas...

If I got this in my mailbox, I'd be terrified and overjoyed, all at once. Look how scary those dogs are! Yowza! I've never seen Paris with so much clothing on!

Fatty McGee!

Luke, Luke, Luke! When and why did you get so fat?!? You are the hot brother! (Unless you are asking Alexa, and she's just silly over Owen).

I have to say you still are faring better than others at their premieres this week, aka Rachel Nip Slip or Hilary chiclet teeth. But drop some lbs., bask in the sun, and don't EVER make that face again.

But can't wait to see your movie! Call me!

Who is Hotter?

Just for you DAK, Evangeline Lily or Ron Weasley? I'm going with Ron because the Buffs rule!

A Letter To Evangeline Lily

Dear Evangeline:

Do you know that you live in Hawaii? Maybe you forgot. Anyways, I wanted to remind you that while in paradise, you should probably try to get some sun. After all, Lost is just a show; you don't really need to stay down in that hatch all day. Also, there is this new thing called Mystic Tan if you are really afraid of the sun. Charlize Theron and Danny and Melinda from Real World: Austin can show you how it works.

Secondly, I'd like to point out that you are looking mighty goth these days. Purple baby doll dress with a large amulet, knee high boots, and long, dark tresses? You look like Angelina Jolie back when she won the Oscar and made out with her brother. But even Angie wouldn't be caught dead in a baby doll dress after 1993.

I have something else to say. It's about your boyfriend. Dominic Monaghan? If you are trying for the celeb with the most elfish boyfriend, I'm sorry, but J.Lo will hold that crown as long as she stays married. So maybe you should stick with it and you'll be top dog soon enough.

We only say hurtful things because we love you. As LC says, "Love = Pain." So much wisdom in that one. So much.



Who is Hotter?

King Kong from "King Kong".........or..........Aslan from "Chronicles of Narnia?"

The Gaunlet 2

This show has some potential, but can it really beat the Gaunlet 1? Here's my concerns:
Lack of Trashelle
Lack of Veronica, Coral, Rachel, Tina, Tonya, Abe, The Miz, and Theo. (This could be consider a great thing as they are all kind of tired. They haven't been stirring up as much drama lately, with the exception of the always awful Tonya.

Things I hope happen:
Cameran and MJ hook up
Brad and Landon hook up
Everybody else gets drunk and fights. Hooray!

A Holiday Carol For You

American Angst

Thanks, Car!

Who is Worse?

You vote, I vote.

Photo: Dlisted

Pictures I Won't Even Post

I heart Rachel McAdams too much to publish the photos of her at "The Family Stone" premiere last night with her nipple hanging out, unbeknownst to her. Poor girl. Click here if you must.

For something far grosser, perhaps the grossest thing on the internet, aka Jenna Bush's cooter click here. I'm not 100% positive this is her because what secret service would allow her to change into her bikini in public? But SICK!

Fugly Stewart Continues To Amaze

Not content on looking ugly about town, Kimberly Stewart gets uglied up to attend, get this, the opening of a Bebe store! That is so humiliating! Even Bebe has nicer clothes than this! I love how proud she looks in her cape and plaid shorts, like "My signature look is on fire. Everybody is going to hang my picture up on their mirror and mimic my fabulosity." Talan, what were you thinking!?! Those rufies must have been mad strong for her to entrap you for that full two weeks.

Those Cheeky Brits!

Madame Tussaud's in London has dressed up their Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston dolls as they see it. I don't really think Brad is Prince Charming, but the other two look pretty dead on. Love it.

The Greatest Teacher of Our Time: Joe Simpson!

Papa Joe Simpson is at it again! He is now hosting a motivational seminar in Dallas on January 14. For a mere $60, you will learn all his evil secrets.

"The motivational seminar will give tips for being an A-lister in life, and how to put together an award winning gameplan for pursuing the career of your dreams. These Hollywood insiders will also share their behind-the-scenes stories of what it’s like working in one of the most cut throat industries around. Whether attendees are looking to be the next pop icon, hot TV star or realize that dream job–this seminar will provide the tools necessary from experts that have been part of history making careers of their own. "

Topics not covered: ethics, incest, exploitation of daughter's T&A, trying to desperately convince the public other daughter CAN sing live, and the baby Jesus as a promotional tool.

Source: Perez Hilton

DJ AM Likes the Beefy Chicks

By "beefy chicks," I mean girls who's skeletal structure is not readily visible. DJ AM lunched at Fred Segal with this mystery woman. We can still recognize him even without his pencil-shaped, bug glassed ex because he is still in his uniform of a camo tee, plus hoodie, starring dog tags. Thanks for making it easy on us, AM.

Merry Christmas, From PeTA!

PeTA's Christmas cards feature Vogue editor Anna Wintour on the cover saying "Without my fur..." and this on the inside. Gross, right?

PeTA has been tirelessly slamming Ms. Wintour as of late. They are pissed that for the last decade they have been asking to run paid ads in Vogue featuring major celebrities, such as Charlize Theron, Pam Anderson, and crazy Kim Basinger, but have been rejected without Vogue ever looking at the ads. PeTA has pointed out that it is unfair to run countless ads from fur companies and refuse to even look at their ads. Thus, they have declared war, and they are mighty good at that.

PeTA named Martha Stewart their number 1 worst dressed celeb last year and Martha has since seen the light. Not only does she no longer wear fur, she has recorded an anti-fur video for PeTA.

Animals need their fur more than you!

More of What We Already Know

From Page Six:

"NICOLE Richie is having a hard time after being dumped by her fiance Adam Goldstein, aka "DJ A.M." Goldstein left Richie because "it was just something that he knew he had to do," said a pal of the super-skinny media personality. The split was unexpected and the day of the break-up, Goldstein and Richie were "still making plans together for trips and business ventures. It really did come right out of left field for Nicole." Richie is said to be devastated and very hurt."

Hot Couple of the Minute: Christina Applegate & Lee Grivas

Us Weekly and Page Six report that Christina Applegate is together with Lee Grivas after her recent split with hubby Jonathan Schaech. Rumors had circulated that she had been cheating and her husband was fed up. Who is this Lee guy? Apparently he is a fisherman/skateboarder/rock star. What a winning combo. A google search didn't even turn up a photo for us to make fun of. I'll be he's a janitor at her broadway show or something and her publicist couldn't think of the best faux job for him and went with a myraid of possibilities.

Master P Ballroom Dancing?

For inexplicable reasons, Master P has decided to replace his son Romeo in Season 2 of "Dancing with the Stars." Um, what judge is going to tell that thug that he dances for shit? And what kind of street cred is he earning for the Foxtrot? Hmm...

Brit and KFed: Deny, Deny, Deny!

"A rep for Britney Spears denying tabloid reports that she and dancer hubby Kevin Federline are on the rocks and that the two were bickering over a "$125 million settlement" if their union ended. "[They] are as normal as other couples: They fight, and they make up. They are fine and happy," publicist Leslie Sloane told USA Today. "

When you start to respond to rumors, Britney, it means there is something to hide...

Source: E! Online

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

It's a Federline Life!

See all the holiday cards at iVillage.

Teeny Bopper Movies Rule

Remember when there was a phase when teeny bopper movies would take a Shakespeare play and mold it into something horrifically awful, something with the effect of a trainwreck where it's so horrible but you are just obsessed with staring? A film gems that come to mind is "10 Things I Hate About You" (i.e. "The Taming of the Shrew").

Well, wait a few years and we come full circle. Amanda Bynes, star of the WB Show "What I Like About You" with Jennie "Kelly Taylor" Garth, is currently filming, "She's The Man." This is an adaptation of "The Twelfth Night," the play where a girl dresses up and poses as her missing twin brother for a few weeks. Hilarious, I know. Calm yourself. Anyways, it's sure to be a movie you purchase used at Blockbuster and watch while lying on your couch one hungover Sunday.

It's A Brangelina Christmas, Charlie Brown!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie take Zahara out to help pick out a Christmas tree in Malibu. Why? Because they are just good friends.

Isn't Malibu Jennifer Aniston's refuge? Malibu is like thisbig and there is no friggin' way Brangelina won't run into Vaughniston at some point. And of course this excitement happens when I no longer live there but in freezing San Francisco. I think the coolest person I saw was Greg Kinnear.

George is Showing His Age

Anybody who knows me is aware that I've thought George Clooney was a silver-haired fox since I was 17. I am the only teenage girl I know who's room was a split homage to George and Jordan Catalano. And I'm definately the only girl I know who open her dorm room upon arriving to college and immediately taped up an oversized poster of Mr. Clooney over her bed. In high school, my parents found this troubling and a sign of a slew of old man boyfriends to come.

Alas, I have to admit that George is starting to look, well, old. He's still hot, but I definately feel like I'm staring into the eyes of a man dancing the line between eligible bachelor and dirty old man (or "viejo verde" as we like to say). Why are all my dreams shattering today? What celeb can cheer me up? I'm off to find something good to report.

Un-Arrested Development?

One of the best and subsequently least watched shows on TV is "Arrested Development." This show constantly has me laughing out loud and I think it's slowly starting to become more of a cult phenomenon. However, barring any major changes, the show is set to end the season-and series-in late January or early February. Thankfully, other networks have realized the gem that is "Arrested Development." Both Showtime and ABC are in talks to try and pick up the show after it's demise with Fox. The cast has mixed feelings about this, but I'm hoping they'll stick with it for the fans.

The show has had stellar guest stars, from Scott Baio as Attorney Bob Loblaw (say it out loud and it's blah-blah-blah) to Charlize Theron as Jason Bateman's mentally retarded girlfriend from Wee Britain (like a British version of Chinatown). Next guest star? Justine Bateman, star of the 80's sitcom "Family Ties" and sister to Arrested Development's biggest star Jason Bateman.

Tune in on Mondays on Fox!

A.M. and Richie Looking Content

DJ AM and Nicole Richie step out together post-breakup. I can see it's done wonders for their friendship. As of now, they are still set to co-host New Year's Eve at Mansion, which is a hot club in South Beach where I danced the night away with a cast on last February for Dina's bachelorette.

My source (yes I have sources, bitches! Not many, but a couple) close to the Richie fam has said the break-up was most definately done by A.M. and that he was just fed up with her diva attitude and eating issues.

Paging Mrs. McDonald? Is Mrs. McDonald in the house?

Hil Duff at the Cheaper 2 Premiere

Last night I went to a White Elephant gift exchange (thanks Showers, Shawna, and Car!). Up for grabs was a classic, collection-worthy Hilary Duff Christmas CD. Driven by my alcoholic rage, I hung on to the present I got, which was tequila and mixer. But this morning, like many before, I awoke with heavy feelings of regret.

Somehow, this picture makes me feel better about my mistake. I'm not sure what Hil's publicist/handler/pr rep are doing to her, but I feel that an joint intervention with her and Britney would be a fab idea. Lindsay Lohan seems to have come out of her downward spiral quite nicely; let's use her people. Rachel Zoe, are you reading this?

Girls, seriously. You two are my idols. Stop this now before I have to find meaning within my own life. Don't break my heart.

Hot Couple of the Minute: Gisele and Kelly

Yes! Now this I can get on board with...oh my God, that's punny! Get it, on board? He's a surfer? I need coffee.

My goodness they are bronzing up nicely. I have to say, this was definately a smart move, dating wise for both of them. Gisele, remember that he's been with Pam Anderson. Don't be a fool, wrap his tool!

Star Jones is a Fat Dumb Bitch

What, was that harsh? I am torn between disgust and hysteria at her new book description. For your consumption:

"Shine is divided into three main sections, each exploring core issues of interest to women. Part One guides women toward being their most attractive physical selves using Star's personal secrets on losing weight and finding hair, fashion, and makeup chic (inexpensively). Part Two asks tough questions about emotional preparedness for a relationship and shows you how to think like lawyers, and how to get your financial and emotional houses in order. Part Three delves into a woman's spiritual life -- discover how to talk to God no matter what your religion. Spiking the book are Star's "absolutes" -- truisms that have always worked for her and continue to give her guidance -- quizzes and self-assessment exercises that will help you focus on your particular strengths and weaknesses. Everyone knows Star Jones Reynolds is a success story, a happy, rough-edges-to-emotional-and-financial-riches tale. Until you read this book, you won't know how she got there -- and how you can echo her triumphs and shine."

Besides being totally misguided at how to find a relationship, Star loves to pretend her queer hubby loves her. He loves your money and all the penis he can buy with it, you cow!

Boy, I think my lack of sleep last night is affecting me. I promise to be nicer to the next person I write about. Let's see, who can I say nothing bad about...

Alanis for Golden Globe?

Alanis Morrisette is totally shocked by her Golden Globe nomination for original motion picture song for Wunderkind from "The Chronicles of Narnia." I have no idea what this song is, but I thought I'd take this opportunity to post a photo of her undeserved hot as hell fiance. I tried to find a pic of Ryan with his shirt off, but he looked kind of psychotic in all the shots I found. Even though he's kissed Alanis and Tara Reid, I think I'd take my chances with him.

Take That Apple!

While I don't normally report on tech related things, those of you who know me know that I'm ADDICTED to gadgets--cell phones, video games, what have you. And since I have held off for so long from buying an iPod for myself, I continue to hold out hope that a suitable replacement will be made by a non-Apple company--solely because I feel that they are monopolizing the market and iPods are too expensive. So I am happy to hear MTV and Microsoft (I know, I know, I am a monopoly hypocrite) are teaming up to make "Urge," which will be the next big thing in music downloads. All I ask is for a player that lets me put in songs that are not just from iTunes! Enough, nobody cares but me...I know.

Another Reason to Love Adam Brody

When most celebs are having birthday parties at hot nightclubs, paid for and exploited by US Weekly or another mag, Adam Brody remains faithful to his inner nerd.

He, along with co-star and girlfriend Rachel Bilson, Mischa Barton, and other pals partied his 26th birthday away at Medieval Times in Buena Park, Calif. The party goers forsaked the stretch hummers in favor of two party buses and left with wooden swords and shields purchased from the gift shop. I bet this was really fun as long as the buzz lasted. I also bet Mischa sat off to the side pouting and texting her monster of a boyfriend via her Sidekick the entire time. Then again, I do know that she "eats like a viking" (right Dina?) so maybe she enjoyed it more than I think?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I Heart McGosling!

Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling, stars of the chick-flick equivalent to porn "The Notebook," have been an item since August. Apparently this means it's time to start ring shopping, as the rumor mills have it. Whatever, anything for me to hear more about them because they are adorible in a way that doesn't make me want to vomit. Rare, that kind of love.

For a beloved McGosling moment, click here and see the clip on PopSugar.

Regina George Would Be Proud

Yes, indeed, Regina George would have been very proud to sport this hot, bedazzled neck brace to the Spring Fling. However, this is not a movie, and Brooke Burns actually does need a neck brace as she broke her neck diving into a pool last month. What she doesn't need is to be seen in public with it on.
Rinestones are for Sidekicks from 2004. You broke your friggin' neck! Stay in bed and rent Mean Girls!

Fattie Love

Here are the two winners from Season 2 of "The Biggest Loser", where contestants compete to see who can loose the most weight. The guy won by losing more than half his body weight and the girl was 2nd runner up. However, they are both now lucky in love as they are a couple.

Speaking of fattie love, Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood married over the weekend. Yee haw!

Brit and KFed Reunited

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline enjoy a night on the town, dining at the Grove in L.A. Looks like they must be taking advice from the Simpson-Lachey publicity-spin camp. Kevin has been recently photographed staying at hotels (and having a crib delivered to his suite for when SPF visits) and staying at a friend's place. Britney has been at home or out partying with people who aren't KFed. This photo-op spells impending divorce.

Hurry, Brit, the trend is almost over!

Yummy Movie Alert!

I loves me some Ryan Phillipe with a side order of Jason Statham. Ryan looks a bit like a constipated 17 year old, but I still think he's foxy. If you don't find Jason to be your type, you need to go rent "The Italian Job" and eagerly await next years "The Brazilian Job" (the sequel, not the waxing). This still is from a movie called "Chaos" where they play a gruff, season cop and an eager, rookie cop. Bitch, that story line is tired! Wait for the DVD, hit mute, and turn on some bow-chicka-bow-wow beats to enjoy properly.

Jessica's Thoughts

Why does Papa Joe do this to me? Yes, my hair looks fantastic, but I can barely see over my new set of lips. He promised I wouldn't have to have plastic surgery until I was old, like 27 or so! Oh well, he says it's to attract my next boyfriend. Joe has narrowed it down to either my gay hairdresser or Charlie Sheen, depending on how good I am. I'm not sure which one is the prize yet, but I'm aiming to please.

Germany, Like Us, Want The Hiltons Dead

While this would be much funnier if "Die" didn't mean "The" in German, I find it amusing all the same. I wish we could see Paris' wonky eye as that makes me so much happier.

Least Shocking News of the Day

And the award goes to...Colin Farrell! He has entered rehab for exhaustion and addiction to prescription pills. I have to say that "exhaustion" and "pills" would not be what I would guess to send him to the hospital. More like "black lung", "raging STDs", or "alcohol dependency above and beyond your average frat boy". Perhaps Colin is researching for a role in "28 days" Part 2? I'm sorry but that movie did nothing but make me want to drink more. Rehab looked kind of fun, and since I'll probably be checking in around January 2, I'd like it if people like Colin Farrell were around to keep me company.

Monday, December 12, 2005

I'm Sorry...So Sorry

Sorry I've been offline today, peeps. Just so much catching up to do after a hectic but awesome weekend. Instead of more empty words, accept this pic of Paul Walker instead.

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