Friday, December 09, 2005

WEDDING UPDATE!

Brad Pitt's publicist says that there is no wedding taking place and that Brad is currently in Canada (shooting his Jesse James biopic) and, therefore, nowhere near Florida. I expect wedding bells soon though. Still keeping on this.

Brad and Angie to Wed?

Blog sites like Perez Hilton and Pink is the New Blog are reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are set to wed TODAY at the Ritz Carlton in Sarasota, Florida. While I do find this incredibly random, it makes sense. They have filed legal paperwork to have Brad adopt both of her kids and it is next to impossible to have that done unless the potential adoptive parent marries the legal parent, adoptive or otherwise. I'll keep you posted on this!!

Wilmer is Ponch




In his biggest acting stretch to date, ladies and gentleman, Wilmer Valderrama has signed on to play Ponch in the movie of "CHiPs", our beloved California Highway Patrolmen. How will he transform himself into Erik Estrada? The magic of Hollywood, people. It can make Charlize ugly, make KFed a star, but can't do a thing for poor Tori Spelling. There are limits to it's power.

TomKat Alien Baby News


Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are having a little boy. They blew mucho bucks at Petit Tresor, the joint where Brit-Brit spent $100,000 on Sean Preston. Here is there most recent home-made sonogram.

Rachel McAdams Likes Her Boobies Covered Up



Tom Ford is acting as guest editor-in-chief for Vanity Fair magazine this month. He is doing a multiple celeb spread featuring Kiera Knightley and Scarlett Johansson, among others. However, Rachel McAdams' publicist failed to mention that they would all be posing nude. Upon arriving to the photo shoot, McAdams' was very upset, fired her publicist, and stormed out of the set. Unlike Pointy Teeth Kiera and Asexual Scarlett, Regina seems to have some taste and self-worth. For now.

Wedding Bells

24 hours after announcing that his fiancee was 3 months pregnant, Matt Damon up and married her in a small ceremony before a justice of the peace. Baby Damon and Violet Affleck will surely continue the stellar platonic love-fest that their fathers began. Congrats!

Odd Couple of the Minute: La Lohan & Nick Canon?!?


Lindsay Lohan is currently working on Emilio Estevez's new flick "Bobby" about Bobby Kennedy, along with a slew of other famous names. One of which is Nick Cannon who hosts MTV's "Wild 'N Out" and used to date Christina Milian. I know Bree is scratching her head reading this, so I'm posting a photo of who Nick Canon is for you.

Anyways, supposedly they are dating. He presented her highness with the "It" girl award at the Big in 'O5 Awards, saying that he is very fond of her. I call phoney, but I think Lindsay could do worse. Like Wilmer Valderamma worse. Or Talan worse.

Survivor Guatamala Finale


Does anybody out there watch Survivor? I don't, but I did for a few short weeks because my old roommate, Brooke Struck, was a contender who was prematurely ousted. We shared an apartment during law school in L.A. Anywho, the finale is this weekend and now I know she isn't a millionaire. But she does have that law degree to fall back on!

Then and Now

This makes me a little sad and a little giggly. I wish Britney only the best, as you all know, but they have a point. I want my old Brit-Brit back!
http://www.divorcekevin.com

The Next Big Show

Now that life has ended with the finale of Laguna and then Making the Band 3, all there is to look forward to is Dancing with the Stars 2. That's a joke. But seriously, I'm excited. Here's who will be dancing their way into our hearts: Tia Carrere (from Wayne's World), Giselle Fernandez (journalist), George Hamilton (elderly tanorexic), Stacy Keibler (surprisingly not one of the elves, but a female wrestler), Drew Lachey (98 degrees, and Nick's little bro), Kenny Mayne (sports commentator), Tatum O'Neal (psychopath), Jerry Rice (footballer), Lisa Rinna (annoying, holier than thou actress) and Romeo (the greatest 12 yr. old rapper ever). Oh, geez, this should be good. It's the kind of show I watch while folding my laundry and then get sucked in. By the end I should be a avid fan with a shirt on that says "Romeo Must Live!" or "Drew Lachey, All the Way!"

Making the Band Finale!



Thank goodness! Both Aubrey and Aundrea made the band!

I was very happy with the end results and look forward to their first and only hit single. Oh, ah, ahhh, oh!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

MK is Sad. Emotionally, That Is.


MK Olsen is in the new W magazine. Among other things, she talks about her ex-bf Stavros Niarchos. Apparently she is still pretty hung-up on him. She says that it was her who introduced Stavros to the vile Paris Hilton who was then engaged to Paris Latsis. Once Paris started making out with Stavros all over town, MKO had a bit of a break down, which is when she dropped out of NYU in order to prevent any further anorexia relapses. She even says she still loves him, "I miss him and I love him and I don't speak with him anymore. It's a hurtful and painful subject. I've pretty much been with someone my whole life, so this is a hard time for me."

Poor little Mary Kate. This must be why she has been photographed cavorting with her ex-bf, David Katzenberg, around town. Learn that single is ok! Even for a twin!

Oh Holy Night? WTF?!?

Some psychopath in Rhode Island has created a Christmas display on his front lawn featuring slutty paintings of Paris Hilton! I'm not even kidding on this one. Somebody has been naughty this year. Check your stocking for coal and a restraining order.



Hollywood is Spewing Babies!

Matt Damon is following in the steps of Ben Affleck and has knocked-up his fiancee. His betrothed already has a 7 year old daughter. She was working in a Miami bar when she met Matt, thereby making her one lucky bitch. Congrats!

More on the End of an Era



The way they were. Fat and happy. I miss these days.

All rumors agree that it was DJ AM who did the dumping in this relationship. Reasons vary from Nicole was out partying too much when he was working in Vegas every weekend at the BEST club ever Body English to he couldn't deal with her anorexia anymore. Either way, my friend Dee Dee points out that he had every reason to be insecure. He has a lot to loose.

If you are having trouble dealing with your grief, let me know and we can point you in the direction of a help line. Please don't do anything rash.

A Face Only A Mother Could Love...Seriously


Poor Kelly Osbourne! She looks special, but really isn't. Her albums have bombed. She's been in and out of rehab. She's a tragically bad dresser. And in a family that applauds plastic surgery, she won't jump on the only bandwagon that could save her.

And now, the cherry. She's been dumped. David Williams of the band "Son of Dork" (yes, I know it sounds like a promising match) has broken up with her because he "wasn't ready for a relationship". I believe this translates to "you are hideous and this publicity stunt must end before I eat a lightbulb like the Arquette on Grey's Anatomy".

Career High


Nicolette Sheridan shows just how successful she is by presiding over the opening of a...photo booth? She also seems to be channeling Elle Woods' manicurist from Legally Blonde. I mean, nice ringlets. Eddie would smack you for looking so stupid.

Holiday Shopping Help

I know some of you out there are pulling your hair and going crazy trying to figure out what to get Talan and Kristin for Christmas. Help is on the way! Talan would love some scented candles, a bulldog, and a way to burn his engagement to Fugly Stewart out of his memory. Kristin thinks Barbies and perfume are super cool gift ideas.

I can't hate on Kristin today since she is lending her face and name to PeTA's new anti-fur campaign. Fur is gross!

Ashley Olsen Shows Teeth!


Ok, for those of you who I have told that the Olsen Twins look freakish when they show their teeth, this photo does not count. This is the first photo I've seen of Ashley Olsen in which she smiles showing actual teeth and she looks good. My reasoning is that she has her face at an angle. If she stood directly in front of you and showed teeth, I swear you wouldn't like what you saw. She actually looks quite like LC in this shot!

The Donald Calls Melania a Monster


Donald Trump went on Howard Stern's radio show the other day to talk about his wife Melania's pregnancy and said

"You know, they just blow up, right? Like a blimp — in the right places. In her case, the right places. I mean she really has become a monster — in all the right places. I mean monster in the most positive way. She has gotten very, very large — in all the right places."

A monster? Have you looked in the mirror lately? PS the photo above is a puppy doing his awesome Donald impression. Hot! He also is channeling Paris with his one wonky eye. Next stop, Hollywood!

Sounds Like A Good Idea...

33-year old rap sensation Eminem has announced that he is back together with his ex-wife Kim Mathers and that they will probably re-marry. Kim is famous for attempted suicides, drug addiction, and Eminem's desire to murder her in their songs. They take Bobby and Whitney looks like tame lovebirds.

Bre Surrenders Her Crown

I was a die-hard Bre supporter on America's Next Top Model. She had way more personality than that stupid kewpie doll from one of the Dakotas. Boo! My favorite recapper agrees with me. Read this and laugh.

http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/

Grammy Noms

Record of the Year
We Belong Together - Mimi
Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani
Gold Digger - Kanye West

Album of the Year
The Emancipation of Mimi - Mimi
Chaos and Creation in the Backyard - Paul McCartney
Love, Angel, Music, Baby - Gwen Stefani
How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb - U2
Late Registration - Kanye West

Song of the Year
Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
Devils & Dust - Bruce Springsteen
Ordinary People - John Legend
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own - U2
We Belong Together - Mimi

Best New Artist
Ciara
Fall Out Boy
Keane
John Legend
SugarLand

Melissa Joan Hart is GINORMOUS!


Sabrina the Teenage Witch or Clarissa, depending on how you slice it, is fucking huge! She's trying to take Jennifer Garner's title of the fattest pregnant lady ever! Congrats on the monster growing inside and we look forward to seeing it in January.

Richie Leaves DJ AM

DJ AM and Nicole Richie have called off their ten-month engagement. Sia McDonald can now move in on him and make their phat fat babies.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Ewww!


Finally a picture in which J.Lo looks as ugly on the outside as she does on the inside.

Buy Me!

This shirt makes me giggle.
Check out the OC shirts like "I'm obsethed", too.

Not A Good Look, Starring Brooke Hogan



















Go on. Say something nice.

You can't? Me neither. What is there to say about a camel colored camel toe? How about tan fishnets and gauze with gold stars hanging from your shorts? Fug, fug, fug, fug....FUG!

Hot Couple of the Day


Elisha Cuthbert is currently "taking a break" from her fiancee Trace Ayala, also known as best friend/personal assistant/clothing line partner to Justin Timberlake (he should team up with CaCee Corncob!). Looks like during her break she likes hanging out with Rachel Hunter's ex-boy toy Sean Avery of the Los Angeles Kings. OMG and I just read that Trace recently took Jessica Simpson to a movie! A set up for Corncob indeed! Hollywood love triangles are really just one big circle in which everybody is expected to date or sleep with everybody at some point in time. Paris is almost there.

Laguna News of the Minute

Photos from Team LB doing an ad campaign for Bongo Jeans. Yes, you read that correctly. BONGO JEANS! LOL! I think they must have a agent that loves whoring them out to embarrassing products even more than Papa Joe. Quick, Joe, regain your title by having Jessica and Ashlee model for Quicksilver and B.U.M. Equipment!

Click here for photos

CaCee, You Bitch!


While I do proclaim to be on Team Lachey, I don't loathe Jessica Simpson as I do, say, Scarlett Johansson or LeeLee Sobieski. Which is why I am annoyed that her bff/assistant/wanna be lezzie lover CaCee Cobb is going around bad mouthing Jess. Word is that she can't get past the fact that Jessica cheated on her hubby, allegedly with both Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera (I'll buy the Knoxville rumor, he's damn sexy), but knows her loyalty lies with Jessica.

Perhaps Jessica is trying to keep her loyal with all the presents she's been buying CaCee Corncob lately? Try a $40,000 BMW days before the separation was announced. Try a vintage Rolex and an incredibly lavish birthday party at the Roosevelt. Seriously, who does this for their assistant??

My favorite quote out of the whole rumor-mill comes from Jessica's lie-spinner Rob Shuter. "Jess and CaCee love each other. CaCee is still friends with Nick." Oh, my they are one big disgusting family. I can't wait to see Jessica take up with some random and leave CaCee crying over her lost could've been lovah.

Source: NY Daily News

More Babies

Russell Crowe and his wife are expecting their second baby. Angela Bassett and her husband are expecting twins via a surrogate mother. I have nothing to say about either of these.

Big Daddy Sandler

Adam Sandler and his wife are expecting their first child. This should be one fun kid. I hope they name him Meatball 2.

Not The Sweetest Thing

Jonathan Schaech filing for divorce from Christina Applegate. The two starred together in "The Sweetest Thing". Another pretty couple ends without kids. And yet Tori Spelling is reproducing. What a world!!

Monday, December 05, 2005

A Pic Is Worth A Thousand Words

Ok, please look at Al Reynolds' face in this photo? He's totally thinking, "Get off me you fat bitch! You're going to bruise my balls and then what will my boyfriend think of me?" Star is thinking "I am so clever wearing all black. I look like Nicole Richie and Al is my DJ AM. I'm really trying to get him to have sex with me since we still haven't consumated our marriage and I'm starting to worry that it's me. Maybe I'll go kill some animals and that will make me feel better."

LB News of the Minute

LC and Stephen recently made a publicity visit to Washington University in St. Louis and were interviewed by the student paper. Nothing over the top exciting in this article, but we learn that a) LC does not eat Taco Bell (shocking!), b) Talan's engagement was a publicity stunt (you don't say!), and c) LC is still dating Jason.

Read the article

Casey's brother is a professional baseball player for the Angels and she thinks Jessica is a "sad girl".

She's Seriously Shrinking!


For realz, you cannot convince me that Nicole Richie isn't disappearing before our eyes. First the glasses the size of her head, which I can't hate her for because mine are just as big but don't look so crazy because my head size is proportionate to my body, but now the buttons are oversized as well. Mary-Kate and Nicole, please, please, stop wearing things that look like you got them at the big and tall thrift store. You're better than that.

Fugly Donna Alien Baby Mama Martin

Nothing covers how I feel about this photo or Tori Spelling quite the way the ladies at Go Fug Yourself managed to. Love it!

"Co-Ed Fug Girl

Tori Spelling, who will always be Donna Martin to me -- well, except when she's the Bitchy Cheerleader Kellie Martin Stabbed to Death With a Vegetable Peeler in the BEST LIFETIME MOVIE EVER -- has had a really busy year. There was the million dollar wedding, of course. And then there was when she met her co-star on some sure-to-be hilarioso Lifetime movie, fell in love with him, and they decided to leave their respective spouses and, in his case, his second grader and new baby. And now she's allegedly getting in on the celebrity pregnancy trend.
Her outfit at the VH1 Big in '05 doesn't do much to disprove this rumor. To wit:


I think that if she weren't baking a baby bun in the old Spelling oven [apparently, her womb has a gift wrapping room and a bowling alley!], she'd show up in something skin-tight, rather than formal shorts [and you all know how I feel about formal shorts] and this floaty tunic top. Which would be cute over a bikini, down at the pool -- very Julie Cooper Nichol -- or even with jeans, but with shiny sharkskin-y shorts? Seriously? Shorts? Shiny shorts? SHINY PREGNANCY SHORTS? DONNA MARTIN GRADUATED FOR THIS?"

Charo Rules: Quote #1

If only I knew how to add soundbytes--my sister does the BEST Charo impression. I know if I could do impressions, other than Brian Fellows, I would hope to be great at somebody a little less random, but we can't pick our gifts now can we?

"This dance is called the reggaeton, but it really should be called two dogs humping. It's like spooning, but, as you know, spooning soon leads to forking. But don't miscon-screw me" - Charo, making Jay Leno blush ...

From Page Six

The Cleanest NYE Ever


Hilary Duff, Dick Clark, and Ryan Seacrest will be hosting New Year's Rockin' Eve this year, keeping it nice and squeaky clean. Hil's outfit is horrific in this photo. I mean, nice belt and 1997 black go-out pants. And mesh tanks are a no-no if you aren't a gay go-go dancer.

I will surely miss every second of this show so somebody will have to fill me in on how "rockin' " it is.

Just Because It's Brad

I don't normally post these kinds of things, but Brad Pitt is Brad Pitt and that's my excuse. Click here to see Brad in the buff.

Justin Timberlake Wants To Rock Your Tummy


Justin Timberlake plans to open up an italian eatery in NY with the owner of Suede. This will be his second attempt at owning a restaurant--his L.A. eatery Chi was short-lived.

Cruella is Looking Nasty

Nobody can tell me that J.Lo looks healthy here. She is pasty white, looks squat with that carcass covering up her neck, and that gremlin standing next to her doesn't help either. The couple is in South America where Marc Anthony continues to inflict audible pain on latinos.

Bon Jovi Hands Out Smooches



A lucky fan gets a kiss from Jon Bon Jovi as he makes his way through a crowd. She looks way worked up and her friend looks thrilled. I would be pretty happy with that kiss.

Once I got my hair done on Melrose in L.A. The woman told me she had just come from styling Bon Jovi for their video. Then she let me hold her puppy while she did my hair. It was major I tell you!

Paris Parties with Perez

Paris Hilton goes retro for a party thrown by Mekhi Pheiffer. She knows how to make any costume slooty.

Photos at Perez Hilton

Seann Pretends He's Not Into Boys

Seann William Scott went home with his Victoria Secret model girlfriend Deanna Miller over the Thanksgiving holiday. This past week they were photographed making out outside a club. This farce is probably starting to really gross him out. I wonder how much she makes from being his beard?

Photos

Jessica Takes Her New Lips Shopping

I wasn't sure when I posted that fishface photo of Jessica if perhaps it was just a bad lipgloss application or an allergic reaction to her edible makeup. However, I am now totally convinced her lips are not of a natural substance. Yuck! Careful not to trip on those things.

View giant lips here during her recent shopping spree

Laguna Does the Big in '05 Awards


Personally I think this is the stupidest award show on television. But if Laguna is there, so am I.

LC looks way cuter than KC.

Source: Bricks and Stones

Britney is Still KFed Up


Are favorite popstress Britney Spears has allegedly been meeting with her legal team about a possible divorce from Kevin Federline.

One step closer to a divorce = one step closer to a return to former glory. Let the countdown begin.


Here is a photo of KFed partying over the weekend in Las Vegas. The look is all class. I mean, a beater and a beanie that says "Fuck" really tells people you're worth millions. At least nobody can say that fame has changed him. He's still the same old dumbass that he's always been.

Power Girl Hits Up the Entourage

Rachel Krupa (aka the mousy brunette who breaks down on MTV's "Power Girls") was seen making out with Adrien Grenier at Gogo in New York. Apparently that's all they do because she is a virgin, loud and proud.

Source: Page Six

Brad = Dad

Brad Pitt is seeking to legally adopt Angelina Jolie's two adopted children. His publicist made the announcement and they are asking for the children to be named Maddox Jolie Pitt and Zahara Jolie Pitt in a petition filed Friday in L.A. court. I guess this means they are a couple then?

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