Friday, December 02, 2005

Making the BEST show on MTV

Now that I've dealt with the passing of "Laguna Beach," I know it will be hard to have to say goodbye to "Making the Band 3," by far the best season the show has ever seen.

My fav is for sure Aubrey O'Day, but who doesn't like her? It scares me a little that she is only 21 because she seems pretty hard-core and way into her body. What is with that belly piercing? It looks like an actual earring.

Anyhoo, next Thursday is the big finale and I will not be pleased if Aubrey and Andrea don't make the band. Additionally, I hope she takes care of her face because she could pull a total Fergie (aka slamming bod with highly suspect taste in clothes and v.bad extensions).

J.Lo Has A Beast and a New Dog

J.Lo takes home an animal that is far more attractive than her monkey of a husband. However, I fear for this dog's safety when she decides that she needs a pair of fur pants or a dog skin headband to go with the rest of the stuff in her meat locker closet. I bet it smells great in there.

I'm actually not kidding about her wearing her dog. Her company makes clothing with fur from China where there is no way to trace what animal the fur actually comes from.

"Some animals killed in the Chinese fur trade were once loving companions. Millions of dogs and cats—some still wearing collars—are transported without food, shelter, or water, shoved into tiny metal crates, and stacked on trucks—as many as 8,000 animals to a truck. When they arrive for slaughter, workers toss the crates of crying, terrified, and dying animals to the ground, a drop from as high as 10 feet that causes the animals’ limbs to shatter as they crash to the ground. After they are killed and skinned, their fur is often deliberately mislabeled as fur from other species and exported to the U.S. to be sold to unsuspecting customers."


Source: The J.Lo-down
Play the game where you save animals from J.Lo's evil clutches! You know you wanna.

Wanna Get Up Close And Personal with KC?

If you've always wanted to be bff with Kristin Cavalleri, here is your chance. Apply to be on her new show and she'll throw you a par-tay. And probably make-out with your boyfriend.

Apply here

Is Gwen in the Family Way?

Could Gwen Stefani be preggo with a little punk baby? This is from the Splendora team:

"HOLLABACK GIRLS Last night we got "B.A.N.A.N.A.S.", felt "Luxurious", and left the OAK thinking that Gwen is "The Real Thing." The last time we went to a show where we knew every word to every song was back in the 7th grade when we scored Debbie Gibson tickets. The Stefani show did not disappoint; the high priestess of cool strutted, sang (so shockingly well!), and totally styled on her tricked-out stage. So many costumes, such high heels, such bouncy does she do it? The crowd was so fired up at the bubblicious concert that during the encore, someone dressed as a banana hauled his yellow peel up on the stage–we kid you not. However, after a post show breakdown and much outfit dissection ("do you think that sequin dress was Galliano?"), the Splendora gang thinks that Gwen is prego. She looked curvier than usual (still so toned), did not flash her trademark abs, and always appeared with a gigantor belt. Very curious. Baby mama or not, this Orange County girl is definitely creating an extraordinary world. "

Hmm...I guarantee this would lead to a L.A.M.B. baby clothing line. What say you? And a baby with Gavin Rossdale would be pretty cute. Come to think of it, is there anyone named Gavin who isn't cute? I can't think of one.


Rent was great! Go see it and enjoy crazy scenes like this.

BTW, do you know who that guy is? He is both "Tony" from "Dazed & Confused" and "Daryl Coopersmith" from "Adventures in Babysitting"!! How cool is that?

Jessica's Replacement?

So this is the girl who is "desperately" trying to escape the limelight for having "made-out with Nick Lachey" a few months back. It's hard to escape the limelight when you are going on one pointless entertainment news show after another. And, Nick, please. This is a little insulting to Jessica. Find somebody who has some brains if you want to one up her.

KFed at Puberty

This is one scary ass mullet. What is more troublesome is that KFed's hair wasn't all party. What business did he have to attend to that required a shorn, more conservative look up front? From the look of his baseball jersey, it was serious stuff.

Those of you out there with pride for the 'No (that'd be you DAK), please explain if this was an anomaly or if all boys looked like this.

Kevin's School ID

Mini-me Paris

Casey Reinhardt, the idiotic, peroxide wannabe on season 2 of LB, wants you to know what a good girl she is. She is so much more than the step-daughter of the frozen burrito inventor; so much more than a girl who's maid makes awesome "kay-sa-dillya's".

"After appearing in the hit MTV teen drama Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County, Casey Reinhardt the new girl on season 2 was ready to take a break with her mom, Kelly Roberts at a spa that Kelly owns. Casey says she and her mom are incredibly close. She added, My best friends are always telling me that they can't believe how strong the relationship is between my mother and me. I tell her about school, my classes, my grades, my friends, who I am dating everything. "

She also claims she doesn't drink and had to be begged to be on the show. Yeah, right, bitch! Everybody hated you! As Taylor says, down with skanky ho's!

Sadly, this bitch goes to Pepperdine, which is where I went to law school. This should really help bring her back to reality, what with all the filthy rich snobs in the underclassmen. You join the alma mater of my fav Pepperdine alumnis, Brandy and Fabian Basabe.

At Least He Isn't Gay

Entertainment Tonight also reports that Nicole Kidman and country singer Keith Urban are officially engaged. May we wish you better luck than Kenny and Renee.

Apple...And Peaches?

Gwyneth Paltrow and hubby Chris Martin are expecting their second child this spring. Her mother confirmed reports at Entertainment Tonight. Soon they will have a whole fruity family.

Not The Best Birthday for Brit-Brit

Britney Spears turns 24 today. I know this because I am her biggest fan. Not biggest as in fattest, but I really heart her.

So it is a shame to report that Page Six is saying that Kevin has been staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel and Britney has been out partying without him. Britney was recently out at LAX in L.A. with the Maloof brothers (think Palms Hotel owners) and two female friends. Britney recently turned down a very lucrative offer to star in the Broadway musical "Sweet Charity" once Christina Applegate's run expires. She may now be in talks with the Palms about setting up a permanent show at their casino. The Palms has been courting both Britney and Jessica Simpson to create a show that will rival Celine Dion's on the strip.

Happy 24th Britney!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Hottest Hollywood DILFs

InTouch Magazine did a poll on the hottest Hollywood dads. I have serious problems with the results:


I have no problems with Ryan (hotness!), Will, Johnny, Benjamin, Matt, or Jude.
Charlie Sheen? Are you kidding me with this shit? And Brad Pitt is not a dad! Tom Cruise??? See photo below.

Nick! Nick! Nick!

KC Bitches!

Promo shot for Kristin Cavalleri's new show on UPN. I may have added some stuff to it.

Fur is Fugly

J.Crew is no longer selling hairy dead carcasses! Way to go.

'J. CRUEL' NO MORE: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals activist Heather Mills McCartney - who for the past 11 weeks has been leading a boycott against J. Crew because of its fur-fringed fashions - told me she cried yesterday on learning that the $800-million-a-year clothing chain is banning fur from its product line ASAP. "It's very, very exciting," said Paul McCartney's wife, who plans to celebrate today at a J. Crew outlet in Santa Monica. A spokesman for J. Crew insisted that the boycott had no impact on the decision to ban fur, saying that execs made the call a month ago "for business reasons." McCartney responded: "The bottom line is that it doesn't matter how it came about - the who, what and when - the important thing is that they made the right decision."

From NY Daily News.

Naomi Makes Peace with Tyra, War with Nicole

After years of hating each other, Superbitch Naomi Campbell made peace with Tyra Banks last week so she could go on her show and plug her stupid new perfume. Now, with all this pent up aggression, Naomi needed a new target: enter Nicole Richie. Apparently Naomi hates Nicky Hilton (why is she feuding with teenagers?) and ordered Nicole to not hang out with her anymore. Naomi was at Bunglalow 8 the other night screaming "That fucking bitch Nicole Richie, I hate her!" to her publicist while Nicole sat at the next table.

Naomi's rep denies this story. However, Nicole's rep has confirmed it.

Source: New York Daily News

A Letter To Christina

Dear Christina,

On the special occasion of your very first marriage, one should really try to not dress like a prostitute. I am aware that this is your "signature style," but there is a time and a place for wearing a slip and that time and place is not at your reception.

Also, did you have your dress custom made to match my Barbie's from 1987? I swear you have the same dress. Unfortunately, your husband is no Ken. Your children, I'm sure, will join the troll playgroup of TomKat alien baby and Alien Face Spelling.

That said, it looks like you've been working out; way to go on that. Now if we could just get you to stop wearing that G.D. red lipstick and white hair, we'll be going places.


Slut War!

Tara Reid is now linked to Paris Latsis, also known as the original Greek in Paris Hilton's life. Around and 'round we go in the Hollywood dating game!

Let's play the Six Degrees of Pam Anderson. Oh, wait, that is way too easy. Tara has slept with everybody in Hollywood and so has Pam. They have probably slept with each other.

I would like to see celeb gangs form up. Mary Kate, Ashley, L.Lo, and Nicole Ritchie could be one gang, the "Skinny Bitches". Paris can head up an all boy gang of male whores. Bring it on bitches!

Devon Sawa Arrested

Devon Sawa, star of Casper, "Stan" in the Eminem video, Final Destination, and one of my favorite movies, Idol Hands, has been arrested for beating up his girlfriend! What a douche.
Type in his name to see his police record. LAPD

Source: Perez Hilton

More Trouble in the Trailer Park

Britney, be strong. That said, I am not convinced they are dunzo.

Perez Hilton

Scarlett is Scary

I like this photo of Scarlett Johansson. Why? Because I LOATHE her. I think she is awful, sounds like a man when she talks, and does not, in any way, deserve to date Josh Hartnett. She looks like an evil wood nymph. Perhaps she is shooting for a role in A Midsummer Nights Dream? Or Narnia. She could be a half girl, half goat animal.

Fish Face!

Jessica Simpson takes a punch in the kisser from Papa Joe after suggesting that he not whore her out to US Weekly quite so much. Joe then got on the phone with US Weekly to get photos of her busted lip in the next issue, along with possible stories of either Nick beating her or the Jessica Simpson Collagen Line.

Then Or Now: Part I

Ok, I'm pretty sure this isn't even debatable, but when did you like Fergie more? It looks like she is wearing toupee of bangs and very much like a pre-op tranny nowadays. How in the hell is she keeping Josh Duhamel around? He must like the transexual thing...Could he be toothy tile?

FINALLY the Baby is Out of Her!

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck welcomed their first child after labor was induced last night in L.A. The baby is a girl named Violet Affleck. No other details were released, but I am assuming the baby weighs approximately 30 pounds with a head the size of a beach ball. Ouch, that's gotta hurt.

Laguna Beach News of the Second

"Jason - he has been in and out of rehab about 3 times in the past year. He is also bipolar and is on some major medication. His grandparents are the wealthy ones and his parents don't really work -just live off of the grandparents.•"

"Talan - his mom used to be some actress so is pretty well-connected in Hollywood. The engagement to Kimberly Stewart is just a publicity stunt - they aren't really engaged. His mom is trying to coach him on getting himself into the limelight.

"Stephen and Kristin are dating - they just got back from a vacation together in Hawaii - she's not really dating that Jenner guy - another publicity stunt. Kristin is trying to "make it" in Hollywood."

"Alex H. and Alex M. are roommates. Alex M. is trying to make it in the music world and Alex H. dates a guy in Alex M.'s backup band."

"Another tidbit - Jason used to hit (ie, abuse) Alex M. when they dated. Per Alex M., the reason you didn't see that in the show is b/c MTV was trying to sell a fantasy. That is also why you don't see Alex M. and Jason actually break up." ( I don't buy this)

"LC is supposedly the meanest person of the bunch - they say she is the least approachable."

"Another thing, is apparently MTV and BMW have some sort of deal, which is why you always see them driving around in BMWs - ie, Kristin's dad didn't really buy her the BMW - she got it from MTV."

Source: Bricks and Stones

TomKat to Wed Summer 2006

I just received my invitation. It is in the form of a spaceship and has a bag of vitamins attached. Summer 2006 is the lucky time for TomKat because Tom has no more movies in line after MI:3 finishes filming and Katie will certainly be expected to be a mute sidekick from now on, as Nicole Kidman and Mothface Cruz once were.

I just love this photo. It speaks volumes about his sanity.

Ugly Baby On It's Way To Meet Us

Tori Spelling has revealed that she is pregnant with the baby of her new lovah, Dean McDermott. Tori left her husband a few months back and is now shacking up with this guy after meeting him on a tv-movie set. Dean left his wife and their brand new baby after meeting Tori. I cannot imagine what would hurt more than having your husband leave you and your kids for fucking TORI SPELLING. I'll bet their baby will be friends with the TomKat offspring because TomKat Jr. will be into aliens and Tori's baby will certainly look like an alien.

Paris Snags Another Rock?

Paris Hilton is reportedly engaged to yet another Greek heir. I believe this like I believe she is a virgin. Which is to say, I don't.

Source:Digital Spy

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Kristin Plays Second Fiddle To LC For Once

Kristin Cavalleri of Laguna Beach has signed on to co-host a show about throwing parties for deserving people for the UPN, of all stations. LC, as you know, has her own show on MTV. Judges ruling? Kristin's 15 minutes are about spent.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Whoa! Janet Jackson Ate Her Feelings

Janet Jackson used to have abs that looked like a man's. Now it looks like she ate her way through KFC, perhaps due to depression that her brother is Chester the Molester or that her fiancee is a gremlin, but those are just my guesses. She is no stranger to plastic surgery so I can't figure out why she hasn't called Mariah to book a 2 for 1 liposuction deal.

Click here if you dare.

Lindsay Finally Admits She's Totally Rex

Lindsay Lohan, after claiming her weight loss was a result of "exhaustion", now says that her drop to 99 lbs. was actually from a crazy diet she was on. No kidding. I think I would be "exhausted" too if I was consuming only cantaloupe, fruit juice, and water while working out 2 hours a day, seven days a week. Actually I think I would be dead. I would rather die than subsist on cataloupe.

Thankfully, Lindsay is now at a hefty 130 pounds. What a lard ass. Nicole Richie will disappear behind you when you walk together. You can sit on Mary Kate if you get in a fight with her and end her life right there. Welcome to the club, fatty.

Source: I Don't Like You in That Way

Papa Joe Snatches Jessica Back

He simply couldn't handle sharing her anymore and finally approved (or ordered, depending on your school of Simpson thought) Jessica Simpson to divorce poor, defeated hubby Nick Lachey. Nick, run and be free! No longer will you have to field answers to ridiculous questions like what is gravity and does it come in the Louis Vuitton logo? You will nevermore have to beg your wife who made you wait six years to sleep with her for the sex you deserve. Enjoy your time with your buddies, your Miller Lite, and your psychotic obsession with USC football. Also, props to you for not signing a pre-nup! That'll really piss off Papa Joe.

Jessica, one divorce down, one to go--please seek parental emancipation before we see your novel "How to Look Hot During a Divorce" on Amazon.

Farewell, Newlyweds. We'll see you on DVD.

I Know You Missed Your Laguna Gossip...

I'm back and tan from Cabo and sifting through the "news" as fast as possible. If you don't know about Nick and Jessica, you live on another planet...perhaps the one Tom Cruise is from.

Here is some new stuff on those crazy Laguna kiddos from E!:

“As of two weeks ago, Kristin and Alex H. were sharing an apartment, but Alex H. left to move into another posh L.A. building with Alex M. It's a building that happens to be one of Kristin's dad’s developments. Show insiders tell me their relationship soured because Kristin insisted that everything be about her, expecting Alex to be on call. The last straw went down at a San Diego event for Dieter's charity, when Alex refused to drive Kristin back to L.A. early for an audition.

Meanwhile, Talan Torriero is working on a CD and a film, not to mention getting engaged to Kimberly Stewart, getting into car wrecks with Paris Hilton and partying with Ryan Cabrera (they're good friends).
Stephen is sharing a downtown L.A. apartment with Dieter and Jason. They aren't in school right now, but while Stephen has acting classes, and Dieter has his charity, I'm told Jason's concentrating on cleaning up his act, though it doesn't seem to be happening. Says a source who works with the Laguna Beach crew, "Promoters are constantly calling them and sending them to different L.A. clubs every night of the week. Jason is always getting kicked out of clubs for getting into fights...He's wrecked a lot of cars, too. That's why you always see him driving different ones on the show." Same goes for Stephen. Word has it that last week he crashed a brand-new car the very same day he bought it!
Lauren, meanwhile, has cut ties with every other castmember except Jason, whom she's still dating. According to insiders, she and Kristin did make up months ago, but they're back to being enemies, maybe, I'm told, because they both hooked up with Stephen again over the summer.
Lauren's spinoff is supposedly similar to MTV's PoweR Girls, except that it follows her and friend Heidi (who is hated by all of Lauren's other friends) around Los Angeles. The spinoff is being called The Hills--as in the Hollywood Hills--and MTV plans to show the exterior of some random Hollywood Hills home as if it's really hers. The truth? She's living in an apartment by L.A. shopping complex the Grove!
As for Laguna's next installment, one well-connected spy says, "It isn't centered around a boy or a love triangle, like the last two seasons have been. It'll revolve around a couple of girls who can't stand another girl. One of the girls, who's in the 'we don't like you' group, is the chick Jason took to prom this year. Also, there are twins who actually moved to Laguna from Texas just to be on the show!"

Laguna Beach Blind: And now, the dirt so dirty, we can't name names...
Beach Boozers: According to one spy, these castmembers are "supposed go to events [to promote themselves], but if they even show up in time for the red carpet, they're too wasted to pose for pictures."
Beach Bum: This castmember has been in and out of rehab many times, which is also the reason he or she wasn't even around for the first season of the show.”

Additionally, Ted Casablanca has this sighting of LC and Jason to report:

..."Lauren "L.C." Conrad and Jason, exiting Kinkos. Mid-Wilshire. In shades and jeans, duh. They couldn't make it to the black Beemer without swappin' a little spit. Can you even imagine what these horn dogs were makin' photocopies of? Well, I just hope they wiped down the Xerox machine after they were, ahem, finished."

Individual charater's news:

Jason on Myspace

Lo gets baked in a car.

Talan and LC sign their new book and Kimberly "Fugly" Stewart's drugs have worn off on Talan, ending their briefy publicity stunt, eh-hem, I mean engagement.

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