Dudes, after the Cal Stanford game tomorrow, I'll be soaking up as much sun as possible in Los Cabos for the next week. Have a good Thanksgiving and I'll be back online in a week. Paz!
Friday, November 18, 2005
Taylor Cole sure loves her Myspace account. I forgive her because she is a college freshman. Anywho, here is the message she left for Talan on his:
"hey sweetheartcongrats i guess are in orderthough you know none of your TRUE friends approvewhatever... do as you wishjust do me one favor... remember where you came from and who you are cause you are changing WAY to much Tal"
Burn! Go get yourself some ass Taylor and let Talan make the mistake of his life.
Feel free to email her at firstname.lastname@example.org Not even kidding on this one.
Jessica Simpson is dumped. Unfortunately, it wasn't by Nick. It was by her publicist of the past two years. He claimed he couldn't deal with Papa Joe anymore and, most recently, complete exhaustion (presumably in trying to cover up the decaying marriage). Who can play spin doctor for her now? I'm sure Jessica doesn't even know what a publicist is. Her sister obviously doesn't have one.
Everybody who knows me knows that I love Hilary Duff. I have a shirt that says just that.
However, this picture really looks like an older brother watching out for his little sis. Or something like that. I can't believe how skinny she has become.
I am going to give you a Lizzie McGuire era photo so you can see for yourself. Her boobs are actually smaller than when she was 15. Sad!
A quote from Jake "Toothy Tile" Gyllenhaal:
"You know, it's flattering when there's a rumor that says I'm bisexual. It means I can play more kinds of roles. I'm open to whatever people want to call me. I've never really been attracted to men sexually, but I don't think I would be afraid of it if it happened."
Read the article
The 8th season of the Bachelor is in the works and will air Monday, January 9th. This season is set in Paris and stars Travis Stork, a 33 yr. old ER doctor who is completing his residency in Tennesee. Can somebody send Ms. Gibson an application?
While you might be wondering if I intend to resume my Bachelor recaps, that will depend entirely on the quality of the show. I may just devote my time and energy to LC's "The Hills", which is sure to be an outstanding half hour of my life every week.
Last night I made mashed potatoes. If I had known that the bag was a fashion trend, it would never have thrown it out.
Sometimes people ask why they never show their teeth when they smile. If you'd like to know, you can borrow my copy of "Getting There", a movie in which the girls turn 16 and have to smile for driver's license photos. It's scary. They really do look weird. Like living cabbage patch dolls.
Talan Torriero's mom is not so happy about her son's rushed engagement to Kimberly Stewart. They are supposedly getting ready for a shotgun Vegas wedding because they like how that worked out for Nicky Hilton and Britney Spears. Fugly Stewart was recently dating Joe Francis of the Girls Gone Wild empire and before that was engaged to an even fuglier creature, Cisco Adler, who is now dating Mischa Barton.
And now a plea to Talan.
While I don't especially like you or think you are talented in any way, I don't think any man deserves what you are about to bring upon yourself. Have you ever actually looked at your fiancee when you weren't high? Do you know what you will be waking up to? Have you considered who she has slept with--because it might save you time to just make a list of who she hasn't.
Have some self respect, man. MTV will never buy your edition of Newlyweds. The idea of seeing Kim wake up hungover as all hell, sans makeup, screaming at you about her missing coke is not something we want to see. Well, maybe, but probably not.
Happy Friday, kiddies. Ted has finally spoken up about one of our Toothy Tile (the up-and-coming movie star who is in the closet) frontrunners. He has confirmed it is not Zach Braff--Taylor, you can relax now. Ted said this about the Zach guess:
"Good one. But nope, the Z-man's truly just for the chicks. I mean, have you seen his flabby abs? Think more bod-perf."
This to me puts Jake Gyllenhaal still in first with Chris Klein as the close runner up. Any more good guesses out there?
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Alas, it is not possible. Papa Joe made him sign his marriage certificate in blood and sell himself to Joe as a human slave. All so he could finally get into Jessica's pants. Was it worth it, Nick? Was it really worth it?
Jessica Simpson was hoping to throw her husband a huge, over the top celebrity birthday party for his recent 32nd. Hey, it's the only way she knows how to do things ("wait, birthdays aren't about getting in US magazine?"). Nick's answer was, "Do what you want, but leave me out of it." I never! Jessica relented and spent an unhappy time with Nick in Cincinnati to celebrate with his family.
Oh, well, there's still a chance for being served on Christmas, Nick!
No, it's not Toothy Tile, I'm sorry to say. This one is Jordache Junky, the star who recently banged a cater-waiter in the stairwell at an Industry party during yet another of her heroin binges.
Now Brittany Murphy has been dumped by BOTH her agent and manager for "personal reasons". She has plenty of films in the works, is the new face of Jordache jeans (get the nickname now?), and has been repped by her manager for 12 years. You do the math.
Oh, Ty. Did Cher teach you nothing? "It's one thing to get high at parties, but it's another to be fried all day. Do you see the distinction?"
Tara Reid is reportedly desperate to land a role on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars". Season 2 of the show, which airs in January, will also feature former 98 degree singer Drew Lachey, brother of Nick. Insiders on the show say Reid's agent was instructed to do whatever it takes to get her on the show and is being very aggressive in gaining the part.
I have a part I think Tara would ROCK in. How about as Magda in "There's Something About Mary 2"?
Can somebody please explain to me why "I Dream of Jeannie" needs to be made into a film? How was that show remotely interesting? Didn't we learn a lesson from "Bewitched"? The answer seems to be no.
Formerly in the running to play Jeannie were Kiera Knightley and Jessica Simpson. They are no longer being considered. I think Knightley is out because of her vampire teeth and her need to shout all her lines--I really can't see her playing the obedient servant. She'd rather scream, bare her fangs, and hit her master over the head with a beer bottle. Jessica Simpson would have been a much better choice. She has proven time and time again her ability to "pretend" to be ditzy and would look much better in the genie costume. However, her father decided that was not degrading enough for his daughter. In addition to her acne medication, edible whore makeup, and our suggestion of a douche brand, Jessica may be unavailable for films to make time to promote panty liners, wart remover, and a anti-herpes medication. You go girl--keep speaking up for the products nobody wants to talk about.
Now in the running are Lindsay Lohan, Kate Hudson, and Jennifer Garner. I'm pretty sure Garner will be exploding any day now from the giant beast growing inside her. That said, I vote for L.Lo unless Kate can figure out how eating = a figure. Lindsay, show her how it works.
After nine years of marriage, Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi fame may be finito. They have not been seen together in months and are living on opposite sides of the county (him in New Jersey and her in L.A.). While he is on tour, there has reportedly been trouble between them for months now.
Heather has had a penchant for rockers in the past. She was previously married for six years to Tommy Lee, who was later married to Pamela Anderson (yes! Even less than 6 degrees). A drummer, a guitarist/back up vocalist, and next up...a keytar player? Hot!
This is from E! Online:
"Per trade reports, Will Ferrell and Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder in
talks to star in Blades of Glory, a comedy about two male figure skaters
banned from solo competition who team up for the pairs competition at the
Oh happy day! Finally a chance for Will Ferrell to redeem himself from that awful soccer movie and "Bewitched". Gulay!
You want more candid Laguna photos, you got it. I guess they were having an 80's party? Notice as usual Kristen is too cool to partake.CLICK HERE
Hey, I'm greedy and still want more. Ok, ok! CLICK HERE
And, while your at it, let me see that little sis of LC's. Fine!----->
For dessert, I have the following scoop (not written by me):
"1. Ever wonder why...Ste-phan took a cab home from the airport at Christmas?
Nope, not because his mom and dad and the driver were all on a road trip together-- it's because his parents have "practically disowned" him post-LB on
MTV. Unlike his son, Mr. Coletti isn't an attention-whore, and didn't like the
scrutiny of his friends.
2. Ever wonder why...No one went after Lo? (Arguably the best LB resident
EVER?) Maybe it's because "she took it from everybody her first few years.
On the show she acts like a good girl because she is very afraid of her
folks and that's the deal she cut with MTV". Post-MTV Lo alledgedly "she
is the dirtiest, and does mad coke now".
3. Waiting for a Maxim Laguna Pictorial? Well, Maxim is willing to cough up a
half-million per girl. (Note: this is the most far-fetched of the claims in
the quoted post)
4. Ever wonder why...Trey and K-Cav didn't talk much? Shockingly, it's not
because they appear to have nothing in common, but because they have one key
thing in common: they dated. According to the TVGasm poster, Trey dated
Kristin up until the beginning of his junior year, and she met Ste-phan
through him. As further evidence of his awesomeosity, Trey "didn't let
to get to him b/c he's a cool dude (which he is actually) and didn't
want to let a girl get in the way of his friendship." Awwww.
Earlier this week Kirsten Dunst and Leonardo DiCaprio were spotted cuddling at L.A. nightclub "Privelege". Leonardo has recently broken up with long time girlfriend Gisele (who is now reportedly dating the hottest surfer ever, Kelly Slater). Kirsten is on again off again with Jake Gyllenhaal, who may or may not be gay.
Two things to say about this: 1) DOWNGRADE! Both of them must be lowering their standards to go from supermodel to snaggletoothed boozehound and from delicious hunk to cream puff hasbeen. I guess they deserve each other 2) You know the game Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? I think you could play that with Pam Anderson as far as who's dated who. Guarantee it all comes back to her. If that hits store shelves next Christmas, you can back me up that I thought of it first.
Source: UK Female First
People reports that Nicole Kidman and country singer Keith Urban may be engaged. The two have been an item since July. I really don't care too much about this couple. If they could bring some wacky religion into the mix they might seem more important. Santeria perhaps?
Pamela Anderson is shacking up with former Sugar Ray singer and current toolbox host on "Extra" Mark McGrath. This is a sex tape waiting to happen--pre-order now.
Source: Page Six
After a whopping two months of dating, Talan Torriero,19, has proposed to Kim Stewart, 26. Kim is best known for being Rod Stewart's tragic looking daughter and the desperate accessory and sole friend of Paris Hilton. Talan is best known for being the bitter reject of Taylor AND Kristen on Laguna Beach. He brings to the marriage a horrible singing voice (soon to be featured on his own album--is Ashlee available for a duet?) and the lack of a high school diploma. She brings bad hair and leggings and the ability to annoy every living person. Mazel Tov.
See the happy couple: People
Kiddies, there is SO Much to report and I've been at my desk for a total of 6 minutes. Check back soon and I will get the posts going ASAP!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Kate Moss is reportedly considering getting out of the modeling business in favor of becoming an actress. She was last spotted shooting an ad campaign in Barcelona and trying to stay away from scary stalker Peter Braunstein, the former reporter who is currently on the lam from a sexaul attack on a NY woman and who once wrote an article entitled "Stalking Kate". He sounds slightly more scary than her last beau, Pete Doherty.
Kate Moss May Quit Modeling-To Act
Just when you thought Angelina's life couldn't get any weirder, we discover that Diana "DUI" Ross is dating her dad. Welcome to the family, you've met the sole prerequisite--a large helping of crazy.
Diana Ross Dating Jon Voight?
While this isn't gossip, it's something I really care about. All Pit Bulls and Pit Bull mixes in San Francisco now must be neutered or spayed. That's about 7,000 dogs people. And a huge number of people who own these dogs find them unappealing if not in tact. What does that mean? That means that when Pitties are found or brought in to Animal Care and Control, even if it's just because they aren't neutered or spayed, they will most likely be destroyed. There is no possible way to rehome the number of dogs that will be surrendered because of this. Fight the behavior, not the breed!!
Source: San Francisco Chronicle
Support Give A Dog A Bone!! GADAB
Support Bay Area Doglovers Responsible About Pitbulls!! BADRAP
I think Jessica is trying to be photographed with her Sidekick as much as possible in hopes to take over for Paris as their number one spokesmodel. I'm sure Papa Joe was behind this. We've decided that if Joe could make it happen, he'd have Jessica endorse a douche. Here's to parental whoring.
Source: Hollywood Rag
We support all things Britney around here--haters, get out! As you know, she is having some trouble with KFed as of late. Most recently Britney has checked into the Four Seasons for some R&R. But who else spent the day at the Four Seasons? Mr. Justin Timberlake. Holla! Justin, take Britney back where she belongs...GLORY DAYS!
Source: World of Britney
The latest installment of The Gauntlet has the "Veterans" (who should be in nursing homes by now) pitted against the "Rookies". When will they learn that those wily old timers always win? This time they'll be in on the island of Tobago and BMX host TJ Lavin joins the cast.
Here's who's on which teams:
Cameran (RW San Diego - love her!)
Kina (RR S.America)
Jo (RW San Francisco - What?? Puck's replacement!)
Ibis (RR S.America)
Jodi (ugh, RR S. America)
Jillian (RR S.America)
Adam (RW Paris)
Alton (RW Las Vegas)
Landon (RW Philly)
Jamie (RW New Orleans - looking WAY scary with long hair)
Randy (RW San Diego)
MJ (RW Philly)
Cara (RR S. Pacific)
Susie (RR Australia)
Veterans (aka you should be on VH1 by now)
Robin (RW San Diego)
Montana (RW Boston)
Beth (RW L.A.)
Aneesa (RW Chicago)
Dereck (RR S.America)
Katie (RR The Quest)
Timmy (RR 2)
Adam (RR The Quest) (*SEE BELOW*)
Mark (RR 1)
Julie (RW New Orleans)
Ace (RW Paris)
David (RW Seattle)
Cyrus (RW Boston?)
Brad (RW San Diego)
Jisela (RR The Quest)
Ruthie (RW Hawaii)
This show is gonna kick ass!! Mark is now hooking up with both Robin AND Jodi, and the skanks outnumber the prudes. Where is Veronica and gang? They will be missed.
*I thought I'd take this moment to share a story many of you have heard before--my encounter with Trishelle and Adam. They were dating and very drunk, I was too. I proceeded to tell Trishelle that I thought she was hysterical to watch on the Surreal Life and then I was her new bff (I'm guessing she doesn't usually receive fan compliments or compliments in general for that matter). She asked me to help find her bf who was none other than Adam from RR. We split up and I found him first and said, "Hey Adam, Trishelle is looking for you." He looked at me like I said there was no more booze in the world, then asked me to take him to her. When I reunited them, Trishelle told me I was so sweet and tried to make-out with me, which I deflected into her kissing the side of my face. Then they took off. And that is my sole RW encounter--oh, except I did see Veronica at Bart once. She is tanorexic. SCENE!
Premiere's December 5th (taking over for Laguna Beach): Gauntlet 2
Ugh! J.Lo is working with MTV to create yet another celeb-reality show about young dancers trying to get by in L.A. While I loathe Jennifer Lopez, I would probably watch this show if it copies the ANTM format that Tyra has created and dominated. I want J.Lo have slumber parties with the girls, then turning into a know-it-all monster during eliminations. Fun for the whole family. Laurie, get out your dance shoes.
Source: Hollywood Reporter
Paris and her monkey (not Baby Luv, I mean Stavros) have broken up after a month of tequila shots, beach make-outs, hotel trashings, and car crashings. With her obsession of all things Greek, I'm sure poor John Stamos is next on her hit list. Run Uncle Jessie!
Source: The Bosh
In case you didn't know already, Chris Klein thinks he's God's gift. I think he's special, just not in the way he thinks he's special.
More importantly, DAK pointed out that he is totally a prime suspect for Toothy Tile! He is in fact from the mid-west, he had a "perfect, dimpled girlfriend" who he lost to Scientology and another homosexual, he is a brunette, and he is currently promoting a film. Nice! If both Stifler and Oz (from American Pie) are gay, it would make me clap my hands and giggle. It's that funny.
If you don't believe me that he's an arse, read this: Katie's Ungentlemanly Ex
Those of you who left any heavy ready back in college, consider the perfect gift for the holidays, The Laguna Beach Book (I kid you not). Below is the riveting excerpt about Kristen Cavalleri, Queen B and enemy to all Team LC'ers, and how she came to be friends with all those crazy Laguna Kids.
"Kristin wasn't thrilled with her dad's decision to send her to Catholic school for her freshman year in Laguna Beach. First, her family wasn't even Catholic. Second, the school was forty-five minutes away, which meant she had to get up extra early every morning and she got home so late after school that she missed a ton of prime after-school beach time.
At least it was better than having to stay in frigid, windy Chicago with her stepsiblings, Kristin told herself. Besides, the uniforms weren't bad, some of the kids actually seemed pretty nice, and she could always hang out at the beach on the weekends.
Since Santa Margarita High School didn't offer driver's education, Kristin had to take the class in the evening at the local public high school instead. She was used to being the new girl by now. She knew she might have to sit by herself for the entire course, but so what? She could deal. It's just one class, she reminded herself as she walked down a hallway of the school. She found the room number she was looking for and braced herself to see a room full of unfamiliar and possibly unfriendly faces as she walked into driver's ed on the first night of class.
It wasn't what she expected at all. Almost from the moment she sat down, she was struck by how warm and friendly everybody was. Somehow she just hit it off with the other kids in class. They seemed much more like her than the students at her own school. First she met a guy named Ian. He introduced her to a girl named Alex M.
Alex, who knew how closed the Bubble could seem to outsiders, always made it a point to help newcomers feel welcome, especially newcomers like Kristin. Alex liked her instantly.
"We should hang out sometime," Alex said casually one night as they were walking out of class together. "Gimme a call."
Kristin thought about it after she got home. Girls said things like that all the time and they didn't mean it. They didn't really expect you to call. But, why not? Alex seemed genuine, and Kristin was anxious to make some new friends outside Santa Margarita.
Alex sounded a little surprised to hear Kristin's voice, but she warmed up quickly and invited Kristin to a party a guy named Talan was throwing a few nights later.
"What's his name?" Kristin asked, thinking she might have misunderstood.
"Talan," Alex repeated. "He's nice. A lot of the girls think he's hot. Actually, he's probably hooked up with half of them already," she added with a laugh.
Kristin eagerly agreed to go to Talan's party with Alex M. that Friday night. To her delight, Alex knew everyone, and before long, so did Kristin. Just as in driver's ed, Kristin was impressed by how easily she fit in with the kids from the public high school. She especially liked a girl named Alex H., who she'd met that night.
"Kristin's a lot of fun," Alex H. told Alex M. "How come we've never met her before?"
"She goes to Catholic school," Alex M. told her. "But I'm pretty sure she wants to switch and go to school with us next year."
In no time at all, Kristin and the two Alexes were the best of friends. They went everywhere together-to lunch, to the beach, to parties. They were too young to drive, so when they wanted to go anyplace that was too far to walk, they took the bus. It didn't matter where A.K.A.-as they called themselves-went, they always had fun. Something happened nearly every day to send them into fits of hysterical laughter, whether it was a guy's lame pickup line or Kristin's goofy Brady Bunch dance.
When Kristin finished driver's ed, she was sure she had failed her permit test because she got nine wrong (you were only allowed to miss seven), and her road test because she ran over a curb (an automatic fail). But she didn't care. She was happy in Laguna Beach. She had a new life and new friends. Really good friends. Hopefully they would do better than she did on the road test and once they had driver's licenses they would be able to give her rides. If not, she'd take the bus. Who cared? At least she had parties to go to now.
To her amazement, the guys who administered the driving tests let her slide. They gave her passing grades despite her mistakes. Life was good.
And it was about to get even better. Kristin's dad agreed to let her attend the public high school, with the two Alexes and all her other friends, starting in the fall of her sophomore year. "
Excerpt courtesy of MTV Books Copyright ©2005 by MTV Networks. All rights reserved.
Buy at: MTV Books
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Bree Turner, MVHS grad, has finally worked her way up from Herpes commercials and movies like "Sorority Boys" and "Deuce Bigalow" to starring in a movie with an actual celebrity. Bree plays a friend of Lindsay Lohan (yes!) in "Just My Luck", which is set to release on St. Paddy's Day, 2006. If I wasn't busy taking car bombs, I'd be in the theater. Maybe I'll ease through the hangover with some 7Up and some Bree Turner on the big screen come Saturday the 18th.
The film description is below (no, Bree isn't mentioned, but I swear she has an actual part in this movie):
"Ashley Albright (Lindsay Lohan), a stylish young Manhattanite working her way up the ranks to become a power publicist, has been blessed with good luck from birth. From the winning lottery tickets to having Sarah Jessica Parker’s dry cleaning mistakenly delivered to her, Ashley can’t seem to escape her good fortune. Corporate card in hand, this girl is on her way to the top until she meets a down-on-his-luck stranger (Chris Pine) during a masquerade party her firm throws for top record label exec Damon Phillips (Faizon Love).
In an instant, their destinies are swapped in a kiss and Ashley finds her luck has completely vanished. Meanwhile, Jake Hardin finally finds everything going his way as Damon signs the band (McFly) he has been trying to break while juggling shifts at the Rock ‘n Bowl. Ashley must embark on a quest to find the mystery man before her career, her sanity, and her well-being, all come crashing down."
Source: Rope of Silicon
The finale of Season Two of Laguna Beach last night was exciting enough to put viewers into a coma. Here's something else disturbing.
Bricks and Stones......may break my bones but names will never hurt me!: Kim Stewart and Talan
Toothy Tile is the nickname for a blind vice from Ted Casablanca. It's absolutely killing me not to know the true identiy of Toothy Tile. What we do know is that Toothy Tile is an up-and-comer in the movie biz, has an on-again, off-again relationship with a very popular and supposedly perfect, dimpled celebrity, and he also has a boyfriend. Apparently he's been wanting to come out of the closet for awhile but his handlers are begging him not to for the sake of his rising star. Ted tells us that Toothy Tile is currently promoting a movie, he's a brunette, and is perhaps from the Texas-Oklahoma region (this clue is what keeps me from a solid guess).
Here are all the people Ted has claimed are NOT Toothy Tile, and for some, the reason why:
Orlando Bloom – too famous and beautiful
Adam Brody – more celebrated and more photographed, right age and looks
Ryan Cabrera – wrong artistic alley
Topher Grace – TT is handsome not cute
Brandon Davis – not even close
Justin – way too A list, TT is more apprentice-like for the moment, less dork appeal
Seann William Scott
Tom Cruise – way too established, TT is an up-and-comer in movie-idol biz
Hayden Christiansen – closest guess
James Franco – right track, but more of a big star
Ben Affleck – close guess, better hair, less brawny
Josh Duhamel- different shade of brunette
Michael Vartan – less established and far less sure of himself
Chad Michael Murray
Ted has yet to deny Jake Gyllenhaal or Zach Braff could be Toothy Tile, and they are in the lead as the public best guesses, even though neither of them are from the Texas area. Who do you think Toothy Tile is?
Gimme More! Jake Gyllenhaal